GGB,

Thanks for your encouraging words, I'm just not sure I agree with you . If we'd been talking, ok, but the only last real interaction we've had was the other night, when H got so upset. It wasn't a convo - I had tried to send my ballot express mail last week - only to find it in *our* mailbox Fri. afternoon...

H graciously got someone on the phone Fri, even though the post was already closed, and they agreed to send it by courier on Mon. He wrote out a letter for me, said this is if you need it, I would like an explanation, preferably written. I thanked him, told him I very much appreciated his help.

I went to the post + got it mailed, came back, with his letter.

H had a fit, he had expected that I would have left the letter, and said that he had demanded a written explanation. I told him I had appreciated having the letter with me, but that I didn't think it would have done much good for me to leave it - I was lucky I got the response I did, and that had taken quite a bit of 'forceful' explination of what customer service means (the post office just sort of shrugged it off, saying 'this stuff happens')

That's when he said that he was fed up - he had gone to so much trouble, and I had just wiped my a** with the letter. I sort of stood there, stunned, and he came down, pushed me when I tried to get away, and told me that it was my fault he had said it, since I kept asking him what he was saying (he was mumbling)

like I said, I started lashing out after that, 'till I caught myself, and went out for the drive, came back, apologized for misunderstanding about the letter (which I took to the post the next day), and said 'I will NOT be pushed'.

As I said, I'm not quite sure how to deal with him since then, though he seems to have calmed down.

In Jenny's case, it was her H that was coming out with similar things to what I said in my last post, in my case, it was a friend discussing H with me, I don't believe H is anywhere near ready to admit that about himself. I'm really beginning to wonder if he ever will.

I really wonder if I have any reason to expect he will...others have noticed him treating me this way since very early in our relationship - is it possible that at that point I had such low self-esteem that I was an equal in the relationship, and that I have grown since then? I do want to believe that H + I are equals, if for no other reason that I did choose to stay with him, but I really do wonder if he will be able to stand up to this. If I've in effect agreed to be treated this way up 'till now, why should he suddenly want to change? In effect, I'm asking him to change the whole dynamic of our R. I'm more than willing to admit that I've done my share to get our R to this point, and I'm willing to try to fix it. I just don't feel that H is ready yet to do his part, and he seems to lash out, hard, each time I ask him about this.

My theory?? Whatever resentment he holds against women in general, I become the universal 'Woman' when I call him on things, and I'm easy to lash out at, because I'm there. If he can 'generalize' me, he doesn't have to deal with me as an individual. I suspect it was easy for him to have sex with me when I was 'just' a pretty face; when I became W and mother of children, I took on too much importance to be treated as the generic 'Woman', and he doesn't know how to deal with the resulting conflict.

Even if I'm right, I have to wait and see if he realizes it himself, or whatever it is that's bothering him. I just don't know how long I can stand it.