TNC wrote: ------------- My C is worried that my W is having an affair or that conditions are ripe for one for her. That doesn't sound like pro-M to me. That sounds like an alarmist who is trying to get me to go crazy looking for signs and snooping on my W -------------
She said that because of the increased likelihood that a betrayed spouse will have a 'revenge' affair.
I am going to tell you how to fix your relationship. You will probably not agree to give it an honest try, but here goes anyway.
Chase your wife. Treat her the same way you did when you first fell in love with her. BE IN LOVE with her as a state of existence. Ignore emotional jabs, nicks, cuts and bruises. PURSUE HER!
You told another woman that you loved her. Your wife has had a child, a miscarriage, then a second child. If I understand the timeline correctly, you had the affair during the time of the miscarriage. You have taken vacations without your wife while you physically PURSUED the OTHER WOMAN. Your wife has had a recent cancer scare complete with biopsy. She has also been physically ill recently. She has gained weight, fought with 4 different birth control pills and has two kids to care for. SHE IS EMOTIONALLY DEVASTATED and you want her to have sex.
Rhetorically, let me ask you this. What would you be feeling right now if the roles were reversed, and your wife had done these things to you? Would you still be there?
Your wife does not believe that you want her. She doesn't believe that you will stay with her. I would venture a guess that she has questioned her choice of fathers for her children - many times. I would also venture to guess that she has a well thought out exit strategy, possibly one that includes an affair. Chris, I don't even believe that you really want her
I am not trying to be mean and put you down. ALL of us do stupid things at times. What I am trying to tell you is that YOU HAVE TO WIN HER HEART BACK, and you have to do it soon. IF you decide to do it, it is forever, not just until you get laid. You, in essence, have to have a change of heart toward your wife.
Sex is not the issue with your relationship, and no matter what you do, until you get your relationship repaired, the sex between you and your wife is nothing more that a random, anomalous event, realized due to hormonal pressures.
Sorry for the hijack, FF.
Hang in there Chris. -NOPkins-
I will ferret out an affair at any opportunity.
-An affair is the embodiment of entitlement, fueled by resentment and lack of respect. -An infidel will remain unreachable so long as their sense of entitlement exceeds their ability to reason.
