FF wrote: ------------- Surprise surprise, I didn't get an answer, so that's about par for the course, but H also mumbled something that 'Normal people would have started working on this three years ago'. M'Well, can't we work on it now?' we bantered on this back and forth... -------------
Sounds like he has given up in frustration at some point.
I have thought a lot about your situation, FF. I believe that the two of you have to develop some mutual respect in your relationship before you tackle harder issues.
Spending leisure time at the other spouses expense has to stop. Yelling has to stop, and disrespectful outbursts have to stop.
I think the two of you should sit down and discuss the basics. Parental responsibility, and division of labor. Establish who will do what, and define the atmosphere the two of you will maintain in your home. Cultural expectations should play no part in the decisions. Being the primary breadwinner does not give either spouse special dispensation.
If the discussion causes a blow up, then wait an hour and try again. Don't let anger or frustration stop the two of you from reaching an agreement. You simply must establish some boundaries if your relationship is to continue.
Before you start, have your desires clearly outlined in your head so that you can maintain your position under fire.
As an aside, I think that the porn and masturbation is disrespectful since the act itself denies you the filling of a need. While masturbation is normal, its use as an exclusionary tactic is selfish and childish. Regardless, you will have to decide if it should be a part of your 'agreement'.
Please let me know what you think. -NOPkins-
I will ferret out an affair at any opportunity.
-An affair is the embodiment of entitlement, fueled by resentment and lack of respect. -An infidel will remain unreachable so long as their sense of entitlement exceeds their ability to reason.
