FF said: ------------ Is this really making progress? ------------
Did you start setting reasonable boundaries with your husband?
Did you stop him from being abusive toward the children?
I think that is a yes.
Making BASIC level changes in a relationship is going to cause difficulty. There is no other way around it. I think it is impossible to have real intimacy without respect in a relationship.
Until someone has established basic respect in your relationship, there is going to be no real healing or intimacy. I am sure that there are issues with both of you. Lessor or greater evil is not the issue as much as change in progress. Since you are here, you go first :-)
One thing I do suggest. If you are going to correct your husband when he is disciplining the children, do your best not to do it in front of the children. That causes the children to lose respect for him. There are exceptions of course ( the obvious ones). There is nothing wrong with interrupting him when he is yelling at them and asking for a private chat with him.
A good place for you to start is by showing him respect, NOT SUBSERVIENCE, but respect when he has something to say to you. That doesn't mean you have to agree, but being thoughtfully considerate of his concerns is a good thing. That is basic communication.
You also must realize that you are going to make mistakes as you amend your relationship. So be willing to apologize when you screw up and stand your ground in a loving way when you need to. That simple attitude change will set an example for your children and your husband, and engender respect as a byproduct.
Unless yelling serves some specific purpose in your home, then you stop doing it immediately and discuss why you think it is bad for the relationship, for the family, etc, and ask him if he is willing to work with you to get it stopped. Don't accuse.
Include your husband in the process as much as possible. He is not the enemy, just a participant.
You are doing fine and you can do this!
Why is it that the ladies around here earn the 'brass pair' award more frequently than the men?
:-)
-NOPkins-
I will ferret out an affair at any opportunity.
-An affair is the embodiment of entitlement, fueled by resentment and lack of respect. -An infidel will remain unreachable so long as their sense of entitlement exceeds their ability to reason.
