FF, please don't apologize for the long posts. I love it when I get on the board and see that you have posted recently because I know your post will be long! You're a great writer and do an excellent job of painting a picture. I saw a shirt yesterday at the PX that said "Finland" on it, and I almost bought it just because now I "know" someone in Finland!

I totally agree with IHJ
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I believe your H is in pain and married you because he did not want to "grin and bear it."

He picked YOU because consciously AND unconsciously he wanted an outspoken, opinionated, strong, independent American in his life. If he had wanted a Finnish girl, he would have married one. You might say that he didn't know what he was getting into, but Schnarch says that people attract the right partners to work on the stuff they need to work on.

His responses to your challenge to the mb/porn thing have been interesting. He DIDN'T get defensive, which is what I would have expected. And when you asked him why he resented you, he didn't deny it, or attack you, or ask why you would say something like that, he said "how should I know?" That is an acknowledgement of the elephant in the middle of the room.

I think your going to bed naked was great. As far as jumping him, what would he do if you just leaned over, took his penis in your mouth, and commenced to suck? Would he literally push you off and run from the room?

And the chocolate in bed thing... does he ever share it with you? Do you ever ask for any? Chocolate is such a sensuous food. What's up with that? Did some event trigger the chocolate habit?

I often compared my bf in the early days of our R to a kitty I tamed years ago. He showed up out here in the country, hungry, beat up. I courted and wooed that cat over a period of years. If there is a heaven, and I go there, it will be because of the love and patience that I showered on that old tomcat. He was so afraid when he arrived. I think his whole life he had been under siege. I wanted him to feel safe at my house. When he ate, he would sometimes growl while he was eating, as though he wanted the food, but didn't want to admit that he wanted it, kwim? Your H has some overtones of this... just when you get close, he swats you with his paw... I get the feeling he secretly wants to be close, but letting down the defenses is too damn scary.

The scene at the concert was weird. As a knowledgeable adult companion, your informed opinion about the Symphony would be welcome TO ANOTHER ADULT. But when you try to be a grown-up, he slips into whiny child mode and accuses you of spoiling his evening. You just have to ignore this...

Does HE want to be the child and resents the fact that you have other actual children that need to be mothered? Does he want to be mothered, but doesn't feel it's culturally acceptable or manly to admit that? What is he like when he's sick? Strong and stoic or baby-ish and whiny? (NOT that those are the only two alternatives! LOL! Don't start throwing things at me, people! )

Unlike IHJ I would like to know why he resents you.