First (((((hugs))))))) to all of you.
A brief update...

I asked H to go for a walk with me. This was before I knew what I was going to do about the 'other stuff' so I was not intending to bring anything up, just go for a walk.

It was actually nice, a lot different than our 'attempt' a month or so ago. H walked fast, but asked me(!) to keep up with him. We talked, H filled me in about stuff he's heard about the neighbors. I realized how out of touch I am with our town - between working in a different city and being so tied up with the kids, I still feel like an outsider here.

When we got back, I checked in here again, and found a few more had written in, I think it was Chris, Nopkins, HP, SM...I started weighing what you were all saying, trying to figure out what to do...

I realized first that I was so exhausted and serious that I had missed HP's sense of humor (which was obvious once you pointed it out ) and that I was letting you all make my decision.

So I tried to clear my head for a few minutes and realized how mad I was. Not that H was mbing, or even looking at porn. I found a big stash over a month ago, shortly after I started posting here. At that point, I got mad, but decided to let it go, I figured it would only complicate things, and besides, stuff had been pretty heavy around here, so I sort of understood him 'escaping'. In a way, it had made me feel good that he was at least thinking about sex!

What really bothered me was the amount that has been going on in the past few days, after we've been talking, I've made it obvious in as friendly, loving (hopefully non-pressurized) way as I can that I'm available, even for just a cuddle, and he's still choosing to avoid it.

This is about avoiding confrontation and responsibility. So I went in to the computer room (! H was not looking at porn) and said 'How do you think I feel to discover that after having any kind of physical approach to you basically pushed away for most of the past 7 yrs, and spending the last few months really working on this, that I find out that you have been mbin with porn. I have nothing against mbing or even porn, except that you're using it to avoid me'

It was really late, and H had complained when I said I had something to say that he needed to get up early (but then called me back to ask what I had to say). So I left it at that. H didn't say anything, he was pretty quiet. I went to bed, (and he came eventually, must have been around 2, turned on the light and started reading and eating chocolate) and he just left a short while ago.

There is one possible problem with the way I did it, and that is that H just lets it drop, and tries to turn it around to me. I'm not going to let him get away with it this time.

I'm not expecting that he stop, I'm expecting that he stands up to me. He's the one who's been ignoring the elephant, and I want him to see it.