Quote:

SM.

I think we all understand the dynamics of masturbation just fine.

The issue arises from its use as a substitute when the other spouse is more than willing to provide sex - likely in just about any form at this point.

What her husband is doing is disrespectful to FF, regardless of his claims or reasons.

His actions are most certainly selfish.

-NOPkins-

Nop,

I'm a boner fide expert unfortunatately.

His motives are central to what is missing in their love life. Who in their right mind would prefer MB to mutual lovemaking? He could be anxious, afraid, intimidated. People scare him - even his own wife. Flutie doesn't even know what's at the bottom of it because he won't talk. All I know is that calling Mr. Organ Player selfish is unconstructive fingerpointing. It's not going to get FF any closer to a love life, whereas coming to an epathetic understanding might.

FF,

You can confront him if you like. I think it is a good idea. It is important that you link porn and MB, as in "I know you are looking at porn and MBing." While he might admit to the porn, he might deny MBing. No man looks at porn regularly without MBing, so don't let him off the hook. But this is a place he really doesn't want to go. A MBing, porn loving man does not want to be told by his wife that he should be channeling his sexual energy elsewhere.

The thing you have to realize is that he probably feels ashamed of it, so he is going to get very defensive. He might be of a mind set that sex is dirty; porn is dirty; he is aroused by dirty porn. You OTOH, are a wife who is the mother of his children, and who is not at all dirty. It's a difficult notion to accept that your H would be stimulated by 2D images and not by flesh and blood. But it is in keeping with his general lack of comfort with any kind of person, even his own wife and children.

Confront him you must. But he will not want to give up his porn, nor will he want to share. I think the best you can hope for is that he cuts back so that he can save a little something for you.

SM

P.S. Go Sox!

"If we will be quiet and ready enough, we shall find compensation in every disappointment."
Henry David Thoreau