Quote: I am also curious as to why he finds family activities unappealing. I am not buying the cultural difference excuse.
Nope, I'm definately not giving it here for this. H apparently has always been a loner. His family has a summer cottage (like most finnish families), and he talks about how he hated having to go there every weekend. I've been told stories about how when he was 'forced' to go along berry picking (also another very finnish pasttime) he would take a folding chair and a book, and set up shop somewhere nearby to where everyone else was picking.
He won an award at school, his mom found out only when the teacher called to get permission for him to go on the trip to receive it.
Now, he doesn't like the stress of having to get the kids ready (he has never helped getting the kids dressed when we all go out. He used to say it was because we didn't have room in the hallway, but since we've moved, he can't use that as an excuse!) and he doesn't enjoy going to the zoo or wherever with them.
He's always loved to go to the grocery store and take one or two kids along, and he'll take the boys when he goes through the car wash, or to get the tires changed - used to take D8 as well, D6 wouldn't go with him. And his idea of a perfect family outing would be to take the kids and go shopping - which ends up being so stressful for me (getting better now as they're older, though the boys are at a very wild stage right now) that we very rarely do it.
If I go out, H will either take the kids to his parents (he'll stay too), or if it's only a short while, just kind of let them take care of themselves. Many Sat. mornings, I'll run out first thing to get the grocery shopping,so we'll have time to do other things (H agrees with this), and come back to find the kids still in their pj's, H in bed, and noone has eaten breakfast.
Whenever we do go out as a family, H stays out of the way 'till we're just about ready to go, then runs around complaining that we can't leave the house a mess, or finds someother problem, and starts yelling at the kids, who are already in their coats and waiting by the door, that we can't go until they go back and pick up or whatever.
It seems that every time we do all go out for something other than family parties, H is stressed out, starts 'picking' and there is some kind of fight, or at least a lot of tension between us.
So I started just planning everything myself, and giving him the option of joining us. I really figured after a couple of times, he would see we were having so much fun he'd want to join in. He will sometimes come after the fact if we've gone to the park to skate, to watch, and sometimes we all go out for short walks, but usually he just stays at home and enjoys the quiet.
I'm not avoiding the other part of your post, got to think about it a bit still.
