Just thought I'd drop in a update a little, even though nothing much has happened (outside of my brain).

Things are back to the usual quiet calm that they were a few weeks ago - as quiet and calm as a house full of kids can be. H worked late last night, then I had a translation I had promised to do for him, so there wasn't much interaction. I did send him one e-mail during the day, something I never do, mainly since I usually am not much in the house during the time he's at work!

Yesterday when I made a point of saying goodbye, he just ignored me, this morning, he was in a foul mood, so I sort of stayed out of his way. There have been a couple of times when he's tried to talk down to me, and I've stopped him.

It feels about where we were a year ago. Is there a difference? I make a point of keeping my mind on the kids and not dwelling on things, but I've been here before. What this seems to accomplish? a) makes me extremely h*rney, and b) allows me to be more away of all the thoughts swirling through my brain.

I know that that it's only been a couple of days since my crazy posts of this past weekend, and too early for a big change, but I still feel like I'm going in circles. It seems that if I am nice to H, then he seems content, and goes about doing his own thing. He does stop when I call him on 'stuff', but seems content that the pressure is off. If I were to be 'more friendly', the presure would be back on again, and he would start 'picking'. Right now the problem is that I'm very, very 'needy', and it really takes everything to keep from being short with the kids and H. Yes, exersize, practicing...but I don't know how long I can keep this up.

I'm not as wild on the outside as my emotions (and therfore my writing) may seem...there are only a few people who would even suspect that there is something 'wrong' in the flutey household.

Hve there been any signs of change? As I said, H will stop himself, except this morning when he was tired and stressed out (so I removed myself). There's been little chance for me to notice anything else, because when H is here, most of the time he's sleeping or at the computer, or reading the paper.

I tried to plan a family outing for the weekend, and H didn't make any comment. If things go as usual, I'll make the plans, and at the last minute, H will ask if I mind if he doesn't come along, since he has 'things to do'. And yes, he does 'things' or sleeps. But who knows, maybe this time will be different.

Ok, writing this is not helping my mood as much as I thought it might, so I'll spare you all listening to my whining, and stop for now.