Chris,

Before kids, we were both pretty lazy as far as keeping the house in shape. The things he's complaining about with the car are my 'fault', as is the kitchen - if you condsider that it's my fault that I don't always get all the dishes off the counter because the dishwasher is running with the last load. Of course, everything would be easier without 4 kids, that goes with the territory!! And I am more lazy about housework, and I've improved since I know it bothers H more. But no, I don't think H regrets having kids. Shortly after having the boys, he said he wanted more. I put my foot down - he honestly said, well you and D8 can handle it! He likes the kids as long as he doesn't have to do the work. I know children make life more interesting, and I wouldn't change that for anything!!!

Laura,

Thanks. I'll think about what you've said some, think I need some time to think calmly. Right now my answer to you would be that I've been 'working on myself' for a long time. Even before I found my way here, I had realized that I needed to change the way I responded to H, and I had done alot of changing, only to realize that that led to H feeling that things were ok, since I didn't say anything. H has never mentioned D, he's happy with things, as long noone invades his space, and I don't complain, and we do things the way he wants.

I need some time to 'refocus'. This morning I felt horrible. Went out and raked for a couple hrs with the kids and felt better (even though H stuck his head out at the end to tell us we were putting the leaves in the compost wrong ) and now I'm going to go watch 'The wizard of Oz' with the kids in the name of 'cultural education'