I think you have to listen to the voice of reason within you. Is your H right when he feels like you are expressing disrespect for him by not cleaning or is this a desperate attempt at self-preservation on his part. By this I mean that maybe deep down he knows that he has problems with sexuality but he can't face them so he has to somehow make you in to the "bad guy" in order to justify his behavior to himself. If this is the case, you can't win by trying to improve your behavior because his desperation will cause him to magnify any imperfection in you or your behavior in order to justify his LD.

I remember when my LD sister-in-law left her first husband, she said that the reason she left him was he was "condescending". Since he was a good-humored, average looking guy with a trade school education and she was a quite attractive, bad-tempered woman with a college degree, I can only translate "condescending" into "didn't suck up enough".

You may have to do something to shatter his illusion that you are in someway unworthy of sexual attention and respect. Perhaps you are smarter than me but the only way I could think to do it was to make it blatantly obvious that other men were interested in my company.

"Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?" - Mary Oliver