I read your list and a couple of things popped out at me.
The list itself is a strong indicator of your husbands lack of respect for you.
If you respect someone, you don't make child level demands of them. "Come here, I have something to say to you", or "How many times have I told you...."
You might want to shorten the list to; "I expect that, from this day forward, you will treat me with respect, and as an adult. I love you very much, but I will simply not accept any less from you." Then you might want to commit to do the same with him.
The first time he breaks rank, you point it out right then and in no uncertain terms. If he catches you in a breach, then you apologize.
I completely agree on the tantrums. Leave the room immediately. If he follows, lock the door.
From what you have written about the family dynamics, respect seems to be the single most important MISSING part of the equation. Once you address that, I think you will have a much easier time addressing the sex, since that is also a part of basic respect in a marriage.
As for losing some weight. I whole heartedly agree that you should pursue that in earnest. Go to the gym or exercise at home. Start getting into shape. Don't just diet. Once you have killed off a few pounds and become stronger, your attitude about YOU will change. I swear to you that it will. Your husband WILL notice.
I wouldn't worry too much about an exit strategy right now. Working on you will accomplish the very same thing without the weight of when to give up. The changes will get his attention, and that is what you are after. If you eventually find that you can no longer stand the relationship, then you will be a better person, slim and trim and ready to go. That will also make you very attractive to a new potential mate. Don't plan on that yet. It is still very early in the game, and you have much work to do before you worry about the end game.
"Luke, you got ta get yo mind right, boy" (an old Paul Newman movie). Luke never did, but I think you have, and hubby is about to find his barn on fire.
If you want to succeed, implement the changes, then don't be surprised by the fireworks, and never let him think that you've stopped loving him whenever he trips over a new boundary. If you can pull that off, your marriage will change, and it won't take years.
Once you set your boundaries, don't waffle, that will just confuse hubby and make the process take longer.
That's my $0.02 worth. Please keep me posted.
-NOPkins-
I will ferret out an affair at any opportunity.
-An affair is the embodiment of entitlement, fueled by resentment and lack of respect. -An infidel will remain unreachable so long as their sense of entitlement exceeds their ability to reason.
