Hi all, sorry to leave you hanging, it's been rather crazy around here for a change!

I finally just now got out of H that he really didn't have a reason for moving the tires, just that they were in a different place than the car (which is in for service, he finally admitted)...and that since I didn't sign the paper, I can do what I want. So, I've been a bad girl again and he'll wipe his hands of everything.

I won't have much chance to escape this weekend anyway, we've got to go to cousin's b'day party tomorrow...hrs drive away Besides, I hate to dissapear and leave the kids, 'cause they're the ones that end up missing out.

H has sort of slid back into his usual 'hiding' mode. M&K, his sense of humor is very dry. Many of my friends also comment that it would be nice to see him smile once in a while. This isn't all that unusual for Finns, they do then to be the 'strong' silent type. If I don't start 'working' on things again, he'll just assume everything's fine and go on with his life. As long as I show him some attention, am reasonably pleasant, and feed him once in a while, he's ok.

The typical role of a Finnish wife: the women here pride themselves on their 'equality' - Finnish women were the second in the world (just after New Zealand) to get the right to vote. They're also very well educated - but they also do most of the housework. Traditionally, the woman takes care of the kids and home, and most pride themselves on working outside of the home as well. Younger men are taking more interest in kids and family, and it's not all that unusual to find 'stay at home dads' party because of financial necesity - it's sometimes easier for men to get time off right now, employers are trying to find all kinds of ways around the great maternity leaves.

Back to H...

I really was sensing a warming in him before my dad came. I still think it's a bit like a child that doesn't have his mother's full attention - he doesn't seem to want to share me with anyone. 'Course, he wants me to act the way he feels is right - not ask too many questions, or be unhappy, needy...

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So, even though it's your car, maybe you've never seemed to care about it until now. H seems upset because you blindsided him with wanting to be involved this time. He's not wanting to let you do that because you've never wanted to do that before. You should find some way to talk about it, of course.




Chris, you might be right, but I haven't been completely passive in the past either. H just likes to do everything without telling me, so he won't have to explain. I just like to know what's going on - like I said, I usually don't have any reason not to agree.
We have a garage door that's been broken for the past two years...and I know he's done something, or looked into doing something, but he won't tell me what, nor will he let me take matters into my own hands.

In the past, he'll ask me about the car, and when I ask 'are you bringing it in for service', he usually answers 'Yeah, anything you want to tell them?', so I was surprised at the silence, and the tantrum this time. I did during the convo ask him 'Is it because they're expensive? or inconvenient? so all he had to do was give a yes or no answer, and I would have been satisfied. After last week, I really didn't feel like giving in. I've got to stop this behavior some time, since it's not doing either of us any good.

I started to say in my last post that I don't want to apologize for my past behavior. I don't want that to sound like I have no part in this, but I've been feeling as though I need to be nice to H because I've been angry in the past, and now I see it as though I need to 'focus' my anger - use it to correct what is a bad sitch. I have a right to be angry at the way he treats me, but just blowing up is not going to help at all - I need to stop things right away.

It's kind of stressful, 'cause I feel like that's what I do all day - keep on my students so they don't fall into their bad habits...it's much easier to let them just fly ahead and try to correct the mistakes later, but it's much harder for them. Easier, and better for them, but much more difficult for me is to prevent the mistakes from happening in the first place, or at least correcting them as soon as they appear. It's much more work, but more satisfying in the end. I guess that's how I have to think about H...but damn it's hard work, and I still wonder when the satisfaction is going to start

I will point out that H was great with the kids tonight - great in talking to them, and reading bedtime stories to the boys.

I haven't seen the Northern Lights yet this year. I do sometimes get to see them on my ride home from work, though here in the 'city' they're not too colorful. Still amazing, though.

This is way too long, and not too coherant, so I'll stop for now.