Flutter, I would have to agree with the others. H is being a complete turd. Has he always spoken to you this way or is this something new?
You know, having more sex did help our R in many ways, not just physical. But there was always respect and I would let my H know in a heartbeat if he stepped over the line. I suspect you do that, too, although I'm thinking it might come out as anger and allow your H to write it off as you being an overly emotional American. Or maybe the cultural things don't even come into play, but when the only time you stand up for yourself is in anger, it is awfully easy for the other person to ignore it, kwim.
It might be a good idea to think of a mantra, something simple that you repeat EVERY time he is disrespectful to you, and especially make sure you say it when he is doing it within earshot of your children. You are right that you are teaching your boys how to treat women and your girls how to be treated.
I would also quietly let him know that you don't like the way he speaks to you and that you want it to change. Be prepared for him to make some requests of you and be prepared to follow through on those requests. There is rarely a situation where only one partner needs to change.
Btw, Jenny, I LOVED your line about "hey if you prefer to preoccupy yourself with internet porn, that's your choice". LOL Oh man, I think you should say it Flutie. I am a very direct person and hardly ever pass up an opportunity to lay things on the line and that is just too good a line to waste, imo.
Oh and I also agree with Hairy that maybe the boundary setting book would be a great idea in your situation. Either that or let your John Wayne dad whoop his arse into shape.
