On the edge of nowhere...

[MJontheMend]

It's tempting to ask yourself about the cause of your H's lack of respect and hostility towards you, but the fact is he might not even know himself. All you can do is demand to be treated with respect. You were embarrassed that he yelled at you in front of your father because you were embarassed to let your father see you treated with such disrespect. It was really chickensh*t and rude for your H to act this way in front of your father. Your father is probably a civilized person who tries to mind his own business, but it would have been nice if he went John Wayne on your H's *ss and pistol-whipped him while saying "In America we expect our daughters to be treated like ladies.". I think you should have said "You are acting like a two-year-old and embarrassing yourself in front of our guest." and left the room. There is no reason to allow your H to get away with this cr*p. I'm sure it would have reassured your father to see that you can handle yourself in your relationship. Believe me, I know this would be really tough to do. I don't know if I could do it under those circumstances either.

Whether or not you want to have sex with your H right now, doesn't need to interfere with your desire to be an actively sexual person. Remember the bar example from PM. If you let you H's cr*ppy behavior influence your sex drive, this is a form of emotional fusion. Of course he is going to behave in a manner that will lower your drive. He wants to lower your drive because he doesn't want to deal with the sexual difficulties in your relationship. You have to let him know that you have a sex drive that you are going to find a way to satisfy whether or not he wants to satisfy it and whether or not he acts like a jerk. You say you have lots of room for houseguests. Why don't you invite that old flame of yours to spend a week in Finland? If your H objects say "I need to spend some time with someone who is kind to me and finds me sexually desirable. For the sake of the children and the bond we share I wish that could be you, but since you indicate a complete lack of interest in my "silly" emotional and physical needs, I feel like I should invite Hank to Finland and consider having sex with him. Feel free to continue your preoccupation with internet porn during his visit if that is your preference.".