This started out as a reply to JJ on her thread, but it got so big and bad that I thought I'd move it over here. Thanks for your posts, JJ, they've been very insightful, as usual. I guess I've just had a bad week...I feel like I'm ready for battle, but like I'm waging war against a insurmountable enemy. Ok, I should probably put off the final assesment 'till next week when the house is empty of guests again, but then I'll be fending off comments about how I acted this week...
I understand that this has probably been a stressfull week for H - hey, I have his parents in my house every afternoon, I know what it's like. But he's made no attempts at even trying to be civil towards me. Last night he pushed me aside as my dad was showing some pictures he had taken - wouldn't let me stand next to him so we could look at them together. In front of my dad. Tonight, I came in and told everyone(including H)that I had changed my schedule so I had the day off tomorrow. Said it several times (since I was exhausted and very happy to have the day off). As everyone else is getting ready for bed, H comes out and tries to figure out what's going to happen tomorrow when Dad +co have to be driven to the hotel. After he went on for a while, I pointed out that I wasn't working, to which he got very upset 'I just wasted 10 mins trying to figure this whole thing out, you could have told me you weren't working!' and slammed the door to his office. Again, in front of my dad.
I started this week by trying to make some kind of connection with him, in our bed, very light and friendly, because I wanted to, I didn't like the tone he had been taking, and I was determined NOT to let it get in the way of my good mood. As I wrote, he called me silly, and repeated it again the next day when I got tired of him acting like a child.
I feel like everytime I get somewhere, H moves. JJ,you and H were having at least some kind of sex when you started this whole thing, so there was some kind of conversation going on...I just feel like I don't have much to grasp on, and even that is so slippery I can't get a good hold. If I lay on the bed naked, H would tell me to go to sleep. Phone sex? I'm pretty sure H would hang up before we got too far. If I really care about myself, why am I trying? The answer is for the kids. But I hear things coming out of their mouths that they hear from him and it gets me upset. I don't want them to learn that Mom can just take this cr*p from dad...but I'm not sure things would be better for them if I was on my own either.
This ain't about sex, it's about respect. Right now I'm beginning to feel that I respect myself too much to even bother trying to get sex from H. I know HP you've said that ML improved other areas of your R, and I want to believe that about us as well, but I just don't know. I don't feel like ML to the man who has slept in my bed this week.
I guess maybe I should just go to bed and get a good night's sleep and think about this all after my guests have gone. I hate that my dad has to go home knowing how H has been treating me all week.
