Thanks JJ for your wit and wisdom! I guess I probably shouldn't have brought anything up this week, but I was afraid of letting things slide too far, and I really was hoping the other night to regain some kind of pleasant connection with H.

I'm afraid the rest of this post is pretty whiny...mostly for me, to get what happened down in words, and sorted out in my mind.

H is definately feeling stressed with the guests. Can't say I blame him, but part of the reason we bought this house was so we would have an extra room for my family when they came (H's idea).

This morning started out on a bad note...Actually, not true, D8 jumped in bed and woke us up to tell us it had snowed last night (no kidding!), and H confided that he was feeling stressed out. After she left, H got up and closed the door, since my dad was also up. I stayed in bed for a little while, but couldn't get any sleep, especially after I realized Dad was up, so I got up, and left the door slightly opened without realizing it.

H got upset-rightly so, I suppose-but he screamed for me from the bed, and yelled at me for 5 minutes about how rude I was. I listened without comment, and closed the door on the way out.

The kids have had their schedule completely messed up, and are of course wild with having all the extra attention...and H has retreated into his cocoon, interacting with me mainly by 'picking' He stayed home yesterday so he could get some things done, and didn't do any work (fine, but he did have a 'day off' arranged by me, I'm doing what I can to aleviate stressors)

Later, after the rest of us ate breakfast, H finally came down, asked me to make him some breakfast: I was trying to find what winter clothes fit who, since all the kids wanted to go out to see the snow, and I haven't had a chance to go through the stuff (it was in the 40's-50's till today!!). So I said 'can't you see I'm busy', H 'Don't whine, just tell me if you can make me breakfast' so I barked back 'NO!'

H replied that 'what gives you the right to get mad at me?'

That was sort of the last straw. I don't remember all the details of the sorted 'convo' that followed...I do remember that at one point I refused to listen to H 'cause I felt he was being unreasonable, and he asked why I could choose when to listen or not, while he had to listen to me.

He did have a point, but I said that he doesn't seem to want to listen to me about what I consider the foundation of a marriage - our intimate relationship -, and that I was going to long lengths to try to be more considerate, and I felt he was being unreasonable and childish.

I'm afraid I even threw out that I was beginning to feel like it was hopeless, my trying, and that maybe it would be better if we would just live like roommates 'till the kids got bigger and I could support them myself.

H told me I was silly, and that got me more upset, I said I knew exactly what I was saying, and that I didn't like him calling me silly, and pointed out that he had said that the other night as well. I asked what someone on the outside might think if I told them we hadn't made love in 7yrs, and how he would feel if I started telling everyone, and he said 'Do what you have to do'.

I also threw out that I felt that at least I needed to start seeing a C ( to which H responded the same way) so I guess now I really do need to find someone to talk to. Maybe I can find someone in Helsinki where I work...but that means there'll be no chance of H attending.

Later on, all of us went for a walk, and I did make a point of saying something nice to H, he asked why, and I said that I really would rather that we could be friends - or more - and that it was his moodiness that set me off.

H has mainly avoided me since then, though he did come to sauna with me for a short while, I told him then that I must be pretty wound up, since it was taking me so long to relax in the sauna.

I guess in order to have anything good come out of today, I have to stick to my words and find a C. At least that way I might look a little less like I'm just lashing out wildly. It really has felt like H is acting like a 4 yr old child who has to find 5 million things to ask mom as soon as she gets on the telephone .

If anyone has read this far, thanks for 'listening' and letting me get this off my chest.