How similar we are FF (except the oposite way round). I'd say you have pitched it just about right. You showed affection without overdoing it (leaning against a shoulder is something I do when I know there is no chance of anything much but want some contact). It's just so difficult not to drop into needy mode and let your arms go right round but this is usually a mistake as it puts the LD on the defensive. Your question was a good one. What you should never do is ask a question where "No" is the answer you don't want to hear but it is OK to ask a question where "No" is the right answer. LDs are "NO" people, HDs are "YES" people. Your question was good because... FF: 'Is it so strange that a wife wants to ML to her husband?' FH: (instinctively) "No" (then thinks) "Er, em, no I suppose not" [H reached over and stroked my hair, said 'Thanks for being there']. Result!!!
FF: Nothing new, been there before. Wrong... This IS new because you now have a strategy and you have started to communicated it to H. Your goal is to ML every week and until you are you must gently and persistently (without EVER begging) communicate that goal to H. Eventually he will come round. Here's a strategy that is based on the LD's like for order, planning and their dislike of surprises. Suggest to H that you try for a 'couple of months' making love every Friday night (pick the lowest stress night of the week). When he grumbles emphasise that it is just an experiment and surely can do no harm. If he suggests a different night go with his suggestion (you want him to buy in). Don't compromise and say anything like "If it doesn't work we can always stop". What you are aiming for is a vague timescale that actually will not end. If he is very resistant to your suggestion just let it go. Don't argue about it - you want to be able to return to the subject in a day or two when it has sunk in a bit. I think you have a very good chance of success FF because he said "Thank you for being there". That shows he wants to deal with the problem and needs your help. The reason why I think a once-a-week "Just do it" strategy is so effective is because it reduces the one thing that LDs hate most "PRESSURE" and appeals to one thing they do like, routine. Once a week on a fixed day means that the LD has time to prepare themselves, make sure they are clean and prepared mentally (resigned to the inevitable). The best way to manage the night itself is to let the LD have their shower/bath first and get into bed. You have a quick shower/bath (do not give him time to go to sleep!) then snuggle in, don't say anything just get straight to business giving him no chance to make excuses. After a month or so of reasonable success you should find yourself in a comfortable routine where the LD has accepted it as normal behaviour (and secretly quite likes it). This is the position I am in now. The next challenge is to improve the quality and variety before trying to introduce other days of the week but that is a long term project. Good luck FF. SD
