Quote FF "It was amazingly difficult to not do anything. And I feel a little, no quite a bit, unsettled"
This is differentiation and it will feel strange and will be difficult to keep up but it is definitely worth persisting with.
Quote FF "H was also unsettled by my not doing anything"
Exactly!!! This is what you want to happen. Your differentiation is causing a reaction in him. He is uneasy because things didn't follow the normal pattern. He will have to change in response to your change.
Remember FF, what Michele says, "What you are doing now is not working so do the exact opposite (a 180)". Your aim should be to work towards respecting and being YOURSELF rather than the person you think your H wants you to be. By becoming yourself, an independent person in your own right able to stand on your own two feet, you will become infinitely more attractive. SD - proud of FF for differentiating
