I talked to my H for hours last night and this morning. He revealed the following:

1) He doesn't really think that he is LD. He thinks he has been LD in his relationships because he has never really had sex with a woman to he was sexually attracted. He has never been the pursuer but the one pursued.

2) He thinks that the reasons he is more HD now are that I am more attractive and he has given up his 30 year addiction to porn.

3) He knows that he's not HD but he thinks he's near normal drive.

4) The real reason why he has been mean to me all these years is that he resented the fact that he had to marry me because I was pregnant. He says he was able to be mean to me because he didn't really see me as an individual. He saw me as "the woman who ruined his life".

5) He understands that if he wants to have a relationship with me, he has to get over his resentment.

6) He understands that if he wants to have a relationship with me, he will have to dramatically improve his behavior/attitude towards me.

7) He feels far too emotionally dependent upon me in an unhealthy way(fused).

8) He needs to lose his emotional dependence on me in order to make a free choice about whether he is willing or wants to do what is necessary to recommit to our relationship.

9) He feels that it is critical for him to make the decision about whether to stay in our relationship from a position of strength because otherwise we will be back in the same vicious cycle of him feeling resentful because he didn't make the choice.

10) He feels that he was very sexually and emotionally immature at 24 when we married and in a sense our relationship has stunted his growth until recently.

11) He has a lower level of resentment towards me for starting the process of confronting the problems in our marriage because he feels like once again he didn't make the decision. He feels like he will lose this resentment as soon as he really does feel free to make a choice about whether to commit to our relationship.

12) He feels like we do need to "separate" on some level because it will help him to lose his needy emotional dependence on me (differentiate).

Basically what happened is he took over control of the process and I can't intervene in any way because the extent to which I try to control the process at this point is the extent to which he will feel like he didn't have free choice and therefore will continue to resent me.

I find myself in the odd emotional state of being anxious and relieved at the same time.

So, no more Mojo plans or theories are being generated. Maybe it's time to change my name to JustJenny.

"Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?" - Mary Oliver