Major Breakthrough-I am Freaking Out. HELP!

[SolidMechanic]

I am well aware that there is a certain amount of immaturity in my current mood/POV. I basically feel like throwing myself on the floor in a temper tantrum and chanting "It's not fair! It's not fair! It's not fair!".

Also, the thing about aging doesn't really help me. It's kind of like saying "You know you're going to need reading glasses, a bar on your bathtub and laxatives when you're older so why don't you start using them now?". Okay it's not really like that but I'm feeling bitter.

Dear MoJo,

I did a crappy job of making my point, which happens when I post at work. I did not mean to imply that you were being immature, or that old folks sex was something to look forward to. But when you read PM, how did you react to Schnarch's notion that the hottest sex that people experience happens to them when they are in their 50's? Did you really believe that? Or is he just trying to sell more books? He is the famed sex therapist, so maybe he knows something I don't.

Personally, I'm 44 and my d**k still gets hard when the wind blows. I am assuming that this is the kind of response you would appreciate in your H. This is what I'm talking about when I refer to the normal pattern of young male arousal. In another 10 years, however, this may no longer be true. If I am engaged in intimate relations with someone in 10 years, I expect that sexual arousal will be something that I can no longer take for granted.

Your husband is different. You have always known that, but now you have a greater appreciation of the depth of this difference. Schnarch claims that the work that people must do to get aroused as they get older leads to personal growth and better sex. Do you believe him? If you do, you could use your husbands arousal issues to take your marriage to a higher level than if you were with someone who was easily aroused.

I'm betting that the two of you can adapt to his style of arousal. The cause of my confidence is that both of you seem to have the necessary will. Your H obviously loves you and wants to make you happy. He is also childish, needy and defensive. If he knows that he is going in the right direction with his lovemaking, maybe he will be less defensive. But at least his childish behavior is easy to read. He is being honest with you, rather than telling you one thing to humor you, while doing nothing, as so many of us experience.

Again, I am sorry that your hopes of converting H to HD aren't working out. I guess that only worked with CinemaNymph. I am really sorry that he is threatening to leave and giving you the silent treatment. But answer this question: if one year ago, you knew that he would be making love with you in September 2004 as much as he has, how would you feel? In the final analysis, if he changes his behavior permanently, doesn't that define his nature?

Sincerely,

SM

P.S. I'm going to have to cop to a little discussion bored fusion of my own. I am very jealous of the progress that you and your husband have made in your sex lives. If I ever have phone sex with my W I'd start selling snow blowers at the Gates of Hell. OTOH, my W would never turn off her cell phone (she'll never own a cell phone, but that's another thread). That [censored] must stop.