Mojo said: --------------- I didn't take offense because you said this, but it did make me cry. The notion that I am in any way capable of being a hard*ss is obviously fairly absurd. It's just that I feel incapable of dealing with this situation one way or the other as the nice woman that I am. You have to understand. My H was MEAN to me because of his own insecurities. I really didn't do anything to deserve the treatment I received. Because of this I don't know if I will be more likely to become tough and bitter if I stay in this relationship or if I leave it. It might be impossible for me to allow myself to be truly vulnerable in relationship with my H. I might not be that brave. I might only be brave enough to leave. ---------------
Sorry I made you cry.
I know your husband is being mean to you. Kids are often mean. Kids don't come when you call (cell phone turned off). Kids pout and fold their arms and get stubborn.
You are a good woman, MoJo. You deserve your husbands respect and love.
Your husband appears to be trying, even though he repeatedly reverts to child like tantrums whenever he doesn't get his way. It is going to take him a while to learn civil adult behavior.
I am concerned that this is going to cause you to get 'hard'.
In order to prevent that, he simply has to understand that he can no longer respond to you like a child. That means you are going to have to tell him, yet again. That sucks. The next time he turns off a cell phone for spite, you might need to leave a suitcase packed for him and sitting on the curb for when he returns from his next trip. Maybe with a sweet note attached: "I love you baby, call me in a couple of days when you decide to grow up."
You have to choose not to respond to his childish behavior by trying to 'fix it' anymore. You don't have to leave him, but you are going to have to be brave enough to let him fail. Like learning to ride a bike, he needs a skinned knee or two to make the bike a tangible part of his existence.
I understand you are suffering. I think you need to erect some real but simple boundaries that he can quickly learn to respect. I suggest that one of them be a requirement of adult behavior at all times when dealing with each other.
Your husband is a troubled child that loves you, but keeps slapping you and spitting in your face. You can either give up on him, or quickly teach him to stop and behave. There is nothing fair in that for you, but it is what it is.
I am particularly fond of you, MM. I wish I could have a little 'talk' with your husband and save him a whole lot of other pain. That can't happen, so it is up to you.
Please don't let him continue this way until you really do break. You can deal with this situation, but you can't let it run on forever. It is time for him to get off the pot.
Just to be clear, I am not even talking about sex here, but about basic respect. You deserve that from him regardless of the sexual situation - that can be dealt with separately if need be.
All the best, -NOPkins-
I will ferret out an affair at any opportunity.
-An affair is the embodiment of entitlement, fueled by resentment and lack of respect. -An infidel will remain unreachable so long as their sense of entitlement exceeds their ability to reason.
