Hey Mo, I don't even know if I can find the few pacifiers I do own, lol. That's one of the pitfalls of being married to a person like me...things are organized in my own unique 'system'.
I think this might be one of those situations unique to the HD wives, in that the fellas automatically assume that their wives will stay somewhat LD and that any upward movement is done out of love. When they are proved wrong, they are too happy to care. We HDWs operate from the opposite side..we assume that our H's libidoes will return to 'normal' when the other issues are ironed out. When we are proved wrong, it is devastating in an "okay now I need to shift all my prior thinking" kind of way.
I know I may have sounded defeatist here a time or two when describing my H's libido but really I just caught on after a while that this is who he IS. Being that I love him and appreciate his efforts for me, I carry on in this relationship that is sometimes unsatisfying to me. Overall, though, I do see us having a long and happy life together--we will muddle through our differences.
Here is my challenge for you, J:
Your husband disclosed what was probably the hardest thing for him to own up to, ever, to you: that his libido is low and has been in other relationships. He sounds highly embarrassed by this and has abused the crap outta you in order to protect his fragile ego. I'm sure you are mad as hell about that, but I want to challenge you to take the high road. Otherwise I think you will scare him off of any future honesty in the R. Take the time while he is gone to wallow in your utter disappointment and give yourself plenty of time to adjust. Now is not the time for revenge. His vulnerability is very high right now and I'm sure he is kicking himself really hard for being so honest. I'm sure he wishes that he hadn't revealed that because now he will be extra worried that you will leave him. Have compassion on him, if you can. I know it is hard.
