Major Breakthrough-I am Freaking Out. HELP!

[MJontheMend]

I know you mean well NOPkins but your warning is not exactly appropriate. I have no intention of leaving my H in order to go on a sexual rampage. I am not looking for "mind blowing" sex. Okay, I wouldn't mind having some, but that's not really what I'm looking for. I want to be in a relationship in which I don't have to fight feelings of resentment because my sexual needs aren't being met. I'm afraid that I can't really be a good wife to my H because I will always be hoping that he will become something that he is not.

I look back at all the people I had 'just sex' with. In my mind, it is nothing more than a pile of a thousand limp naked bodies in a glass cube. I can find no definition for anything in it. It is as empty as a fart, the only briefly lingering substance of it being a regrettable stench.

I understand what you are saying but it doesn't reflect my own experience. I was single and sexually active (off and on) from the age of 15 to 23. I had 8 lovers before my H and I was genuinely fond of or thought I was in love with all but 2 of them. You've said that your W is the only woman with whom you've ever "made love". Unless that phrase means something completely different to you than it means to me, my H is not the only man with whom I've ever "made love". I've been with him for 16 years and he is the father of my children, so of course my attachment to him is much stronger than my attachment to previous lovers, but the difference is more a matter of magnitude of attachment not attachment vs. detachment. I know that I can enjoy sex without feelings of attachment because I did have 2 lovers to whom I wasn't attached, but like most people I much prefer emotional connection.

In a sense you are implying that if I choose to leave my H, I will never love or be loved by another man or perhaps you're implying that if I'm not strong enough or loving enough to commit to the difficulties of continuing in a relationship with a LDH, I won't be able to deal with difficulties in other relationships. Either you are a true romantic or extremely cynical or both. (Bear in mind, I like true romantics because I used to be one and I like cynics because you have to like cynics because very few people aren't cynical)