Major Breakthrough-I am Freaking Out. HELP!

[MJontheMend]

I guess I am freaking out because I wanted to believe that the problems in our relationship were causing the HD/LD gap to some extent. I didn't want to believe that the HD/LD gap was what was causing the other problems in our relationship as was the case in many of the examples in PM. I know it seems kind of chicken or the egg but for some reason it makes a big difference to me.

I am upset about the fact that the reason he was mean to me was because I was overweight. I wasn't freakishly fat, just normal midwestern suburban mom overweight. I guess I really wanted to believe that my confidence was what was attracting him now, not my gym workouts. I guess this is what frightens me about our future. I know I won't always be as attractive as I am now or even as attractive as I was as an overweight mom in her 30s, but I suspect that I will continue to want to have sex. I am really "working it" to get the response that I'm getting from him now. I don't think there are many new "tricks" that I'm going to be able to come up with to get his interest when I'm 60. It seems like we're doomed to a future in which either I'm annoyed and frustrated with his low libido or he is annoyed and frustrated with my high libido.

I guess I have to decide if I can really be comfortable with the fact that he has a low drive and in order to meet my needs will be "just doing it" a lot. OTOH I feel like I should be mature enough to figure out how to make this work for me. OTOH I really don't like it because I want to be with a man who desires me SEXUALLY and it makes me feel very vulnerable to have to be sexually reliant on his goodwill rather than his libido. I'll always feel like if I do something to annoy him then I won't get laid and it's really hard to be nice all the time. I know I'm regressing here and I should realize that being nice all the time never got me anything, but where does that leave me? Do we spend the rest of our lives with him "just doing it" because otherwise I'll nag him about it or leave him? Also, how do I even begin to address the fact that my preference is actually for a very sexually aggressive approach?

AAAAAARRRGH!!!