Julie, I know that I had a hard time fully accepting that H's libido was just not that high. Or at least it wasn't as high as I fantasized it would become once the issues were worked out. My H's reason for sexually abandoning me were religious. He had some very screwed up views as far as religion and sex and somehow had it in his mind that denying himself sex was giving greater glory to God--the less he bothered himself with earthly pleasures, the more he could concentrate on the REAL meaning of life. If this sounds completely whacko, it's because it was. He sees that now and we have moved past it. However, I thought for a long time that ditching the religious hangups would cause him to be this red hot lover. When I discovered that this was, in large part, just HIM I was devastated but at least I knew then what I was working with. I also think that I was operating on a bit of a double standard. On one hand, I was saying to the world, Look at me..I'm an HD female and proud of it! But at the same time, I was FULLY expecting my H to come to his senses and start acting like a "regular" guy. It took me a long time to wrap my mind around the fact that his mind and body just do not operate in the "regular" way. He doesn't think about sex during the day. He doesn't think about it when he sees me (or at least not very often). He DOES think about it when I physically touch his penis. He DOES think about it when I verbally say something to him.
Sooooo, Mo, I don't know if this is any consolation to you but at least you know what you are up against now. He has been hiding behind YOU for a while but now he is admitting to himself and to you that he's just LD. There isn't any magical cure for it but this is where the real relationship-building comes in, imo. When the disclosure is complete, then you can make an informed decision as to where to go from here.
