Very sorry that I disappeared for awhile. We were told not to cut down on internet use at work and I can't post from home. I guess there have been many improvements, yet I am not enthusiastic.
I will post more details later. Quick summary - H started working with my company in November, he needed to do a lot of reading and learning for his new job, he basically spent the entire month of november reading while I helped out doing stuff at home for him. I know he really appreciated my help. He went out with OW 4 times, 2 times he came back after a couple of hours.
I read one text from her telling him that her 'heart is breaking'. And another one saying that she loves him with all her heart and doesn't know what she is going to do. One night she called him about 25 times within one hour and he didn't answer the phone. I didn't say anything to H about what was going on.
Then finally in the beginning of December H told me that he has come to point in his life that he thinks he should stay with me and try to make things work. He said its because he believes he 'owes it to me'. Meanwhile I know that he is doing it because he knows deep down that things will not work out with OW because of 'real life' - ie his family, my family, our son, home etc... He won't be able to deal with all the disappointment and turmoil us splitting up will cause. He also knows that OW won't last too long living with his mom (hahahha). He says that he does love me, and maybe he can fall back in love with me one day. He also said that he wants us to try to start a family in a few months or so (april). BUT he said that he needs me to give him time to end things with OW. He said that he is too stressed out from work to handle it now. He said he is slowly trying to spend less time with her and he is being 'difficult'. Well it is true, he only went out with her once in december, and he spent the entire christmas holidays at home with us. And he is spending way less time talking to her one the phone. At new years he told me that this will be a good year for us.
HOWEVER, there are many things that are disturbing me about this situation. He still says 'I love you' to her on the phone, he texted her on boxing day saying he missed her.
I confronted him about this and he said that I need to let him do this 'his way'. I didn't want to argue so I backed off. I think he is waiting for OW to break up with him cause he rarely sees her, But logically, how can he expect her to do this when he still tells her he loves her etc... She isn't very bright to begin with and he has tried to break up with her before and she kept hanging on to him. Why would she think this time is any different?
That is one thing I am concerned about - how long is it going to take? If he keeps seeing her, maybe she will suck him back in - especially since he tells me that he is coming back to me in spite of the fact he believes that he still loves her? Also, I know that he can't heal and get over her until he cuts off contact, that means he can't fully concentrate on our relationship.
He is also starting to hint that he still is 'not in love with me', and that he is 'trying'. I keep telling him that until OW is out of the picture, there is no way he can fall in love with me.
H has also expressed concern about the changes I've made, saying he is scared things will go back to the way they were. He is also very critical of any mistakes or errors I make and has commented that 'I haven't changed' and that I am not 'trying'. It is very frustrating, cause I am working very hard not to do the things that made him resent me in the first place, but he seems to only notice the mistakes I make, not all the improvements.
I know from what I have learned here and from reading that he is trying to find an excuse for why we went wrong and can't fix things. He is trying to shift all the blame to me. But deep down he knows this is not true. He is even acting like I am the one making him break up with OW - however I quickly remind him that he is free to do what he wants, that I am not forcing him to do anything - I suffered for almost a year waiting for him to come back, I could have forced him back then but I didn't - I want him to come back on his own - I don't want him blaming me for the rest of our lives - a point I am very clear to him about.....Especially since he doesn't seem to want to take any responsibility for what has happened. (at the beginning he blamed me, then a few months later he accepted responsibility for it, now he is blaming me again).
Anyways I will give more details later, I just am scared that things are going to be much harder now that he is focusing more on us.
