Well my old post finally got locked at 139 posts. So I have to start a new one now. I was hoping that I could move over to 'piecing' once my thread got locked. But I guess I am still here.
Well the weekend was okay I guess. H told me that he wanted to go for dinner with me on Friday, but that he was going out afterwards. Which of course means with OW. We had a nice time at dinner at a new restaurant. No R talk. Then he left. He didn't text me all night.
Saturday morning he came home really early, he had to take our dog to the vet (I didn't know). Afterwards he came to the room and we cuddled and slept for a couple of hours. Then we took our son and another nephew out to a family entertainment complex. It was fun, we had a good time. That evening H told me that he was going to stay home tonight, BUT he had to go out Sunday afternoon. I got kind of pissed cause I thought we would have another family excursion during the day on Sunday, BEFORE we had to go to my DAD and my brothers wife's birthday dinner. H assured me that he would met us for dinner and that he wouldn't be late. I asked him why does he keep going back with OW?
H told me that they never broke up, and how did I know that they were fighting? He figured out I was reading his text messages and told me to stop checking his phone. He said if there was something to tell me, he would tell me. He said that he and OW have been fighting, but they were still together. It was just that she didn't 'listen' to him and that he basically was trying to get her to understand.
So in otherwords, he stayed home last week and Saturday night to 'teach her a lesson' and show her what he will or won't put up with? Interesting. I agree that I shouldn't jump to conclusions based on their text messages. But I know that the fighting was a lot more serious than H let on.
I told H that I was getting tired of this situation. H asked me what I wanted him to do. I told him he needs to decide if he wants to continue living in denial with her, or come back to reality with me. I told him that I know he will be hurting either way. I told him that although his family may not go to extremes (they said OW wouldn't be allowed in their houses and my MIL wants to slap her in the face), they will tolerate OW for H's sake, but they will NEVER respect her. That it would be extrememly difficult for OW to move in with H's mom, that OW would start to resent his family and not want to spend time with them because they don't accept her. Then he will end up being like his younger brother (He rarely socialized with the family cause they don't respect his girlfriend and SHE knows it -long story). I then changed the subject cause I didn't want to dwell on the negative, but I just wanted to throw this out there so he would have another reason to leave OW floating around his head.
On Sunday He said that he HAD to go out, that he wasn't choosing to do something fun with OW, that he had to help someone move. (I don't know who- either her or her friends?) That he would rather be out having fun with me and our son.
He didn't understand that it doesn't matter WHAT the reason is for his absence, whether he is partying or not, bottom line is that he wasn't able to spend the afternoon out with me and our son. I just said fine, I will see you at dinner. I then told him that OW is going to keep asking him to do stuff when he is supposed to be with our family. He said that he has stopped spending so much time with her over the past couple of weeks to spend more time at home. I reminded him that he was just doing that to 'prove a point' to her about her behaviour. I told him that she is not going to like it if he keeps doing this. He said TOO BAD FOR HER.
I didn't want to fight with him, especially since he admitted he would rather go out with us, and said that it was too bad for her if she didn't like things the way they are! So we kissed goodbye.
While I went out with our son, we went to another amusement park that we have season passes for, it was the last day of the season that it was open. They had NEXT years season passes on sale for half price, so I called H and told him. He said to buy passes for us for next year. I smiled to myself and said sure. H showed up on time for dinner and we had a great time with my family.
On monday he was in a foul mood, he told me he was grumpy, I asked him what was wrong? He just gave me a look, so I said sorry, I thought maybe something was wrong at work. Obviously it was about OW.
On Tuesday he was also irritable. I didn't ask him what was wrong, I just acted as if all was normal. I managed to get a look at his text messages. He IS fighting with her again. These messages were sent on Monday, there was nothing yesterday....In no particular order:
H to OW: I told you that I am not feeling very good about our relationship, I think we need to go our separate ways.
OW to H: I love you. Why is it so hard to tell her that you don't appreciate her hanging around your family so much, she should stop! out of respect!
OW to H: goodnite baby, I love you.
Okay, I don't know what the hell this girl is thinking, but she is either the most stupid, naive person on the planet, or the most selfish, self-centered, manipulative beatch. Maybe a combo of all. What the hell does she think that I am 'hanging around' his family for? She probably thinks that I am forcing H to spend time with me by hanging out with his family or something dumb like that. Maybe H used me as the excuse for not spending so much time with her? I don't know what the hell H told her, but I know that he told her at one time that the reason we are living in the same house is cause of financial reasons only. I think she thinks I am some pathetic person, just hanging around like a pest, basically forcing myself on to H and his family even though I am not welcome. Meanwhile it is actually the OPPOSITE!
I don't really care what SHE thinks or what assumptions she has made. As long as she is on the way out the door. HOWEVER, if I ever get a chance to talk to her, OR if my H decides to stay with her, I will definately set the record straight and let her know what an idiot she is.
Can you believe this? She's accusing ME of being disrespectful? What a loser. I would love to find out what BS my H has told her for her to think like this. Maybe one day I will, or maybe in won't even matter in the end....
Last night H told me that he is angry at me. I asked him why? He said he has been angry at me for a long time. I know that we had this same conversation a few months ago, when he told me about all the resentment etc.. that had built up over the years. But I thought that he had gotten past that, especially since he hasn't been angry towards me for the past couple of months.
I think that he is angry about the way things are turning out with OW. That he is sad and starting to face withdrawal. However he doesn't see this as the reason for his anger. Instead he is mistakenly blaming me and the past issues as the the reason for it. I know that this is something that H has to deal with on his own. But is there ANYTHING I can do to make him understand that these feelings are a normal reaction to the situation. That it is only a temporary state, that eventually he will work through it? I know I can validate and try not to put any pressure on him. But is there anything else I can say to him so that he doesn't blame our old issues for this new anger?
