I had a therapist tell me the same thing...and actually when I got to thinking about it I understood it. I can tell my LDH what I "need" but in reality he's in control over whether or not he gives that to me.
I surprised my LDH one morning when we were casually talking about our situation and I told him "you do realize don't you that you've always been in control of our sex life." His response was "I am?!" So I explained to him that I can ask, I can initiate...I can do absolutely everything I can think of to try to get him to ML with me...ultimately it's up to him whether or not he does. He said "Oh!" (one of his famous responses)...thought about it for a bit...then he said..."you're absolutely right...I just never realized it."
