I think the reason you got so much advice is that there was a certain air of 'giving up' in your original post, even though you might not have meant it. So everyone came out of the woodwork with all their guns blazing! That, and of course, we love you
I think the fact that a lot of people are able to see your wife's point of view means that you probably painted a pretty accurate picture of your situation. Give yourself credit for that.
All the advice is not mutually exclusive. Ultimately, you will have to draw your boundaries AND respect hers. Ultimately, you will have to meet her needs AND have her meet yours.
Can you show her your appreciation AND draw a boundary for her at the same time? I think its possible. You have to be careful that she doesn't perceive it as manipulation. The danger in NOP's suggestion is that she will happily accept what you offer, and after 30 days, when you bring your needs to table yet again, she will cry foul. The danger in Corri's approach is that she will refuse to confront herself and you two will become further polarized. Can you lay ALL your cards on the table at once? I think its possible.
