If you take the next 30 days and work to find out what is going on with your wife, no sex pressure, and set up a plan to fix it, what have you got to lose?
Even if it turns out that she is a "control freak" or some other variant of strange, at least you can find that out. All you lose is sex for 30 days.
I am NOT talking about an experiment. I am talking about totally changing your attitude toward your wife for the next month. I am NOT talking about doing more dishes or yard cleaning.
Let me tell you why I want you to consider this.
Your wife, in a number of statements you have conveyed to us, IS telling you what she needs from you. Mixed in all that is her pride and her idea of what 'feminism' is. Regardless, it seems to me that she is screaming HELP!
Look at things from her point of view.
a) She has moved across the country. b) Set up a new business. c) Adopted a baby. d) Taken on three additional kids from your previous marriage. e) Encountered endless intimations of how bad she is doing in her new role. (probably a good bit of that from your kids) f) Anted up and taken on your financial difficulties.
I have to tell you, she sounds like a hell of a good woman to me.
Right now, she is near panic and you want to add more to her load.
I am NOT telling you that you shouldn't want sex with her. You should, and you do, but you have to realize that she sees the boat sinking, and instead of bailing, you are asking for a quickie.
Step one. Remember who your wife is, and why you fell in love with her. Fix that image in your mind.
Step two. Approach your wife with the image from step one. Take her hand and tell her that you are sorry that you haven't been there for her. MEAN IT when you say it.
Step three. Ask her what the two of you can do to improve the family situation. Ask her what she perceives as problems and then work with her to address them. Instead of being adversarial, be the same friend to her that wanted to marry her in the first place.
Step four. DO NOT MENTION SEX.
If you are sincere in steps one through three, then her heart is likely to change toward you. If not, then continue to view and treat her the same way you did as when you were new lovers. Then revisit steps one through three until the problems with your finances, kids, household, ex-wife and relationship are being dealt with in a manner that BOTH OF YOU AGREE WITH.
Simply put, you have to be her partner again. Until both of you are working together in your relationship, your lives are going to continue to spiral out of control.
That's all I have for now.
-NOPkins-
I will ferret out an affair at any opportunity.
-An affair is the embodiment of entitlement, fueled by resentment and lack of respect. -An infidel will remain unreachable so long as their sense of entitlement exceeds their ability to reason.
