Wow, I go away to get my brakes fixed, and come back to perhaps some of the most divisive advice I've ever seen on this board. While y'all have given me a lot to think about, I feel more confused than I did when I started out.
I don't want to move to the basement right now. Before, it was an "I can't be close to you without hurting myself" feeling that made me want to move there. Now, I'm doing better with that, although sometimes, like last night, I feel like moving down there. This morning, Hairdog the stoic was fine with staying in the bedroom. But I can handle, for the moment, staying in the bedroom. The basement is always an option.
I feel like telling her what I went through in the first message. That I went from mad, to sad, to mad, to choosing the path of least pain and telling her that I respect her for her boundary-setting.
But then, Corri's message, that W is not setting a boundary, but is, instead merely blaming me for the situation and pulling a power play, showed up and once again, altered my view of all of this.
Then Honeypot suggested I tell her, basically, that, although I respect her for telling me that she may or may not ever have sex with me again sucks, and that I have no intention of living the rest of my life celibate, and will likely take action on that intention. She also said that W deserves to know what is going on in my head, which is why I think I should tell her how my thinking has progressed as a result of her statement.
Then came Nopkins' messages, which totally confuse me...yes, she's freaking out for some reason, yes, I should try my best not to push her away/should try to hold her close. And the questions about forgotten promises. The only promise I made to her as a condition of the move was to seriously consider moving to someplace she wanted to go, 10 years after this move...in other words, in 2013. She also originally wanted me to consider adopting a 2nd child, but she has told me that she doesn't want to do that anymore, and has not brought that one up in months.
I'll figure it out, I guess. I just can't figure out why this all has to be so frigging difficult. I thought I paid my "difficult marriage" dues with ex-W.
