Well, I may as well dive back into the mix. Hairdog, I think NOP is on to something here, but I also think there is no reason whatsoever to go into panic mode.
I think one of the things you have done very well is to not 'engage' in the shiit with your wife so much, and your changing modus operendi has her ears up. She's noticing. She's also becoming stronger in her typical defense mechanisms to bring you back to predictable behavior. At least, IMHO.
I want you to understand that moving to the basement is your choice, obviously, but I also want you to understand how doing it now as opposed to a few weeks ago when she was calling 911 on you is completely different in these two cases. Do you understand the difference?
One of the things that is associated with drawing boundaries is that things often get worse before they get better. Until these lines are clear, you cannot respsect anyone for anything because everything is blurred. You can draw a boundary with her and still stay in the bedroom if that is what you wish. But thinking through this with a clear head is what is needed first.
My recommendation for you here, again, is to buy the Boundaries book, read it through, talk with your shrink, apprise him/her of the situation, and proceed from there. You don't have to be mad or pissy or anything but cordial with your wife until you understand what your plan of action is going to be. But I am willing to bet that your shrink will be able to explain to you how boundaries, respect, trust and communication are ALL interlinked, and how you can proceed through these things, with or without your wife's help.
Don't panic, HD. You can keep the status quo going... you've been doing it for years. Fly low and stay beneath the radar until you have a firmer grasp on boundaries, and some good, honest professional advice from your shrink.
