Quote: Just curious here...do you help out much with the house/kids/chores etc.? Don't get me wrong here...I'm not jumping to the conclusion that you're a deadbeat or anything like that I've seen it happen with my own eyes (and been guilty of this myself) where women sometimes take on the role of "Super Woman" by unwittingly/unknowingly pushing their spouse away by constantly occupying themselves with household/family chores. Sometimes when they do this they don't even realize their husband is very willing to help out...but for some reason they don't let them. Does that make any sense to you?
Just some food for thought :-)
GEL
Quote: Yeah sounds like a bunch of years in my married life.
Can I give you guys some advice? From a former, very unwilling 'martyr'?? Martyrdom started way back with D8, got worse as D6 came along...I gave up even asking for help when S4a+b arrived. But, I was overwhelmed with 4 under 5.
I got to the point that in order to get through the day with some semblance of sanity, I did things almost robotically. At that point it was the system that kept me going. To an outsider, it probably seemed insane, and I probably wouldn't have responded to offers of help from the outside.
But, I can tell you, I desperately wanted someone to help. If someone came to ask, in all honesty, it often felt like I had to do them a favor to accomodate them. Explaining what needed to be done, and then making sure it got done would have taken more energy than I had.
If, on the other hand, someone (especially H) had just started doing something, or taken me by the shoulders and said 'Go lie down for a while'...I would have been in heaven. I needed someone to show strength. I really think that when a women gets into that 'mode' it's like a depression - she can't see her way out. The way to help, imho, is to take charge, lovingly. If she complains, give her a kiss, tell her she looks beautiful when she's frazzled. That would certainly do it for me!
