CeMar, OK so I rate my W: Sexual Fulfillment E, Affection E, Recreational Companionship C which is a little better than you rate your W but for the first 22 years of our M I rated her F for all three. How has she managed to change herself to up her grades? Well actually she hasn't changed herself at all. It is me who has changed. I just stopped being angry about it and accepted some responsibility for the SSM. She doesn't DESIRE me yet but maybe one day she will. She is happy to ML on Fridays now (from 3/year mercy) and I am confident that I will not get rejected. There is absolutely no doubt that we are growing closer after many years of slowly growing apart. Two years ago I told her I was leaving for an OW. You don't have that baggage getting in the way. My suggestion to you CeMar - and I'm the (only?) one on this board who has consistantly agreed and supported much of what you say and not given you a hard time - is to calm down, stop blaming your W and become the diffuser of anger, not the angry one. Are you still getting it once a month? If so, you're not as badly off as many and have that to be thankful for and to build on. Set a target to try to gradually and subtly get her to get the idea in her head that once a week would be great (we know you want it every day but you have to take it in baby steps). Don't expect her to actually do it yet. Just let her know (persistently and gently) that is what you would like. It's based on the Alexander Technique which says if you can imagine yourself doing something eventually you will do it. She must be able to imagine herself doing it before she will be willing to actually do it. My W for instance, after a few months, now knows it will happen on Fridays. It is in her head. She doesn't have to do battle with herself or me. What is not in her head is any other day of the week but I'm working on that. SD - Who's W (like CeMar's) doesn't like cuddling and kissing. She doesn't like ironing either but she still does it.
