I hate to say this, but I have not seen much success on these boards when trying to restore a women to HD. In fact I have to question if it is even possible. The HD personality is VASTLY different from the LD personality. I have seen BOTH in my own wife. It is a Lifestyle, it is not about sex only. People think that if the frequency goes up that they have made major strides, when in fact they have only made step 1 of about 20 steps on the way to success.
The worst part about this is trying to stay positive and actually want to work on the situation when I can not believe that my wife can make enough change to even be marginally acceptable. I would like GREAT sex everyday, she never wants sex. Can she get to every other day? Highly unlikely. Can she get to 2 times a week? Doubtful. How about twice a month? Maybe. Will she act like she desires me physically? I REALLY doubt this is ever possible from her. I have read tons of books about sex and they all pretty much say that a huge chunk of the female population will NEVER be able to really desire. They all pretty much say that to have ANY kind of sex life, the guy will have to accept a LOT of rejection and the guy will literally have to provide all the passion for TWO people. This really bites! I wish there were some real success stories to keep me motivated.
Don't give up on yourself yet.... I am not sure I can help you as I am the HDW in my sitch. And to tell you the truth I don't understand LD women anymore than HD men understand LD men....
I do know that in speaking to my women friends who think I am the freak.... sex isn't something they find joy in unfortunately they see it as just another chore they must perform. SAD huh?
CeMar, I count myself as being reasonably successful at the moment having gone from 3x/year to 3x/month. I know she will never be everything I would wish for but there is actually more to life than sex. Such as great conversation, political argument, shared activities, family life etc. I believe that it will be possible for me to be happy on 3x/month once I get over the excessive enthusiasm/expectation phase I am in at the moment. She is being really nice to me, more so than usual and I am certain that the more sex she has the more she will accept it. I suspect her nice mood today (despite her having her ".") is because she rejected me last night (which was fair enough as it wasn't Friday) and I told her in the morning that I had not slept well. She asked me if I was annoyed with her and (old me would have said "Yes" in a confrontational manner) new me told her I was fine and there was nothing I could be cross with her about. CeMar, you are a lot like me and with a reduction of bitterness you could make huge strides. SD - going to bed now for a cuddle.
Everybody is different as to what they need or want. One thing I have done is actually determine what my needs are. My needs are in this order #1 Sexual Fulfillment #2 Affection #3 Recreational Companionship. Right now my wife gets an "F" in all three. The things that you mention are appreciated by me, but they do absolutely nothing to fill my love tank. Also, a SSM is not about frequency, it is 100% about desire! Sex without true desire is pointless to me. I want my original wife back, I have no interest in my current wife. Think about it, how many guys would actually date a women that says she is LD, so why should us guys put up with it AFTER marriage.
CeMar, OK so I rate my W: Sexual Fulfillment E, Affection E, Recreational Companionship C which is a little better than you rate your W but for the first 22 years of our M I rated her F for all three. How has she managed to change herself to up her grades? Well actually she hasn't changed herself at all. It is me who has changed. I just stopped being angry about it and accepted some responsibility for the SSM. She doesn't DESIRE me yet but maybe one day she will. She is happy to ML on Fridays now (from 3/year mercy) and I am confident that I will not get rejected. There is absolutely no doubt that we are growing closer after many years of slowly growing apart. Two years ago I told her I was leaving for an OW. You don't have that baggage getting in the way. My suggestion to you CeMar - and I'm the (only?) one on this board who has consistantly agreed and supported much of what you say and not given you a hard time - is to calm down, stop blaming your W and become the diffuser of anger, not the angry one. Are you still getting it once a month? If so, you're not as badly off as many and have that to be thankful for and to build on. Set a target to try to gradually and subtly get her to get the idea in her head that once a week would be great (we know you want it every day but you have to take it in baby steps). Don't expect her to actually do it yet. Just let her know (persistently and gently) that is what you would like. It's based on the Alexander Technique which says if you can imagine yourself doing something eventually you will do it. She must be able to imagine herself doing it before she will be willing to actually do it. My W for instance, after a few months, now knows it will happen on Fridays. It is in her head. She doesn't have to do battle with herself or me. What is not in her head is any other day of the week but I'm working on that. SD - Who's W (like CeMar's) doesn't like cuddling and kissing. She doesn't like ironing either but she still does it.
