Ok, lets start with ‘maybe it is me’, for that matter I know that it isn’t ‘her fault’ or ‘my fault’ that we have a problem. In her mind, the problem is that I am unhappy, not a problem with our sex life.
To clarify, and answer some questions,
Quote: How do you know she is not desiring you when she makes the invitations?.. Or is it her behavior once things have started that gives you the impression that you are being serviced rather than desired?
That is a good way to describe it. She is willing, and I don’t want it to sound like she is annoyed that she has to put out. Once we do get started, I don’t feel the passion or desire in the sex, as I have told you, she does have an O and tells me that she does enjoy that, but what I am still looking for is more of a partner in sex. Someone commented on one of my post that she is a Lazy Lover, I think that describes it to some extent.
When I hear the posts from the HDW about how they seduce their partners, I am really jealous, to think of the things that these women to in the hopes of raising the desire of their partners is wonderful for me to fantasize about. Really, im not the only one to feel that way judging from the responses from the frustrated horny masses (you know who you are…). Many of the threads lately are from HD partners realizing that things aren’t going to change; I’m not ready to resign myself to that. To repeat another posting, I want a HDW!.
Quote: If you are always letting her know that you are disappointed in her sexually, and aren't supportive of the attempts that she does make, even if they aren't perfect, I can guarantee she will not become more "wanting" and will be less "willing".
I do try to support her, and have told her what effect she can have on me. The comment about me wanting her to be a wind up doll is I guess a little bit true, some of the issues of motive I guess come out, what is more important her actions or feelings. This can get tough for a HD spouse. At this point actions are probably more important to me, gotta say I’m a little sad to hear myself say that.
But I imagine you love her for the things that make her unique - which should include her sexual personality. Maybe she just needs to learn to express that side of herself a little clearer, and you need to learn to see it clearer.
When we first started dating she hadn’t had much sexual experience. There is another thread about givers and takers, I do agree with the thoughts discussed on it another aspect is the teachers and student aspect. In our relationship, certainly in the sexual side of it I do come of as the teacher. I’m wondering is the problem more with the teacher or isn’t the student willing to learn more…
