-Willing spouse, My W is willing to have sex but seldom initiates. If she does it is usually more of an invitation than an action. She as read SSM, this led to some very good discussions, but little follow up.
I've heard some people lament their spouses' lack of initiating. Let me suggest that you change your point of view. Suppose you spouse has subtle signs that she is in the mood. Perhaps she wears a certain nightgown. Or she just keeps talking when you would just assume go to sleep. Or she doesn't push your hand away when you start to caress her shoulder. If those things lead to sex frequently, then you could easily say that she is initiating in those cases. If that is the case, she could be initiating without your knowing it, and you're missing out.
Quote: Desire – Arousal – Sex, My W seldom is never aroused until we begin physical stimulation Once she gets aroused her level of desire does go up but at that point the goal is more bringing her to an O (which she usually does).
I am quite a fan of analogies, so here goes another one. My wife is Japanese so she often cooks Japanese food. These often feature noodles, rice or tofu, not the things I grew up eating. Sometimes the expression on my face betrays a lack of enthusiasm. But once I get started, I chow down like there's no tomorrow. I even compliment her on how good it is.
My point? I doubt I'll ever get excited about these dishes just by seeing them, and I doubt I'll ever ask for them. Maybe because I'm hardwired to salivate at greasy meats and sweet desserts. But I do love these foods, once I get going. I've even learned to shut out my initial hesitation and anticipate the imminent pleasure. If your W loves the sex with you once she gets over her, for want of a better term, inertia, then count your blessings, brother!
To me the bottom line is that you and your W committed to be initmate with each other only. She needs to satisfy your sexual needs if she is to have a reasonable expectation that you will remain faithful to her. This is her responsibility. How she does this, however, is largely up to her.
Paul, who never realized all the things you can do with tofu
