The love you initiate...

[JinBklyn]

h told me last night that he loves when I sit on the couch and read while he's watching TV.

Something I need to learn to do more of, as well. Intimate separateness, as the book H2H recommended (What Could He Be Thinking?) calls it.

I wonder if just flat-out telling your H that it's important to be able to share your interest in X with him would clue him in a little better.

Or, I know that when I face the same noninterest in things, I just notch up the perky factor and smile a lot while I'm talking. It gives S. a high to see me smiling, and he gets excited that I'm excited, even if he's not that interested in what I'm talking about. I guess this falls under Acting As If - acting as if your H is going to fall out of his chair in excitement when he hears you tell it.

[kml]

h told me last night that he loves when I sit on the couch and read while he's watching TV.

Well, I guess there's no question that QT ishis lovelanguage, is there? Just simple things like sitting next to my H at the kitchen bar while he eats breakfast, versus unloading the dishwasher while I'm talking to him, seem to make a big difference to him.

Ellie

[sage]

I wonder if just flat-out telling your H that it's important to be able to share your interest in X with him would clue him in a little better.

Hmmm...sometimes "flat out telling" h stuff doesn't work well or is it that I THINK I'm doing that but I'm really being indirect? (and that drives him crazy!)

One thing that's absolutely true is that I ASSume he doesn't want to hear about stuff, don't talk about it and then get mad what a doofus! So, I need to start talking more about the things that interest me and depersonalize his reactions if they aren't as I expect/hope.

Went to the movies last night ("I heart huckabees") and then out to dinner. This will probably sound strange but something seems to be going on with h...he seems, what, cautious? wounded? a bit fragile? I'm trying to stay out of interpretation mode...(really, I am!) but in weaker moments it's worrying me a bit. If he were being gruff I'd say he's got itchy butt but it's almost like he feels sad? Maybe going to the first game of the World Series will cure his woes (if they actually exist and i'm not projecting all over the place)

He's downstairs making us both lunch

Here's my cainercast for the week...I like it...a good reminder:

Some people say that seeing is believing. Actually, though, not-seeing is believing. We don't need to believe in the things we know. We only need to believe in the things we're not quite so sure of. Don't waste precious time or energy doubting the people who you know have your best interests at heart. Don't start questioning your own sanity or wondering whether the decisions you made in the past were as wise as you had hoped at the time. Don't decide that you are in your current situation by mistake. It's obvious that some things are, and were right. All you have to believe is that they will remain right... and they will!

Sage

[minnie1]

Hi Sage,

Just stopping by to wish you a great time tonight at the game!!!

Minnie

[sage]

Well...the Red Sox are certainly making life enjoyable! Had a good (but freaking freezing!) time Sat. night. Last night h went with a friend of his. I think they had a GREAT time! GO SOX!

I don't know what's up with me but I'm just not feeling well at all...not even physically sick so much as just anxious and down. I was having a mini-anxiety attack all day (just the racing pulse thing that used to plague me on Mondays). I don't think it's caffeine (altho...did I have any yesterday????)...could be too much homework, I suppose...but something feels very off for me right now. (I suppose it could also be the fact that we've been staying up late and not exercising every day for the last few weeks...)

Anyway, I've been having some not-so-pleasant realizations that I've been "in my head" and exhibiting some pre-bomb behaviors for the last few weeks...just letting myself get torqued up over little things (inside) and running down cheeseless tunnel after cheeseless tunnel...I haven't "made crazy" but I think I have been probably confusing to h .. happy go lucky one minute and withdrawn the next. Gotta get myself together!!! It was dismaying to realize that I was back in old bad habits.

Maybe I need to focus on positives!

1. h called me a couple of times from the game last night...too cute and very thoughtful of him

2. h read my paper (due today) and was very laudatory. I really appreciate the time he took reading it and the thoughtful comments!

3. h shared with me something that he had written. it was very poignant.

4. h shared with me some concerns he was having over school. I really appreciate it when he lets me know what he's thinking/concerned about.

5. h sent me a great note thanking me for some things I had done for him.

6. h did a ton of stuff around the house this weekend -- lots of laundry, cleaning up, etc

there...I doubled up for today

Sage

[minnie1]

Hi Sage,

sorry that you're having a bit of a rough time...hope things got better as your day progressed. I know you're in school now and won't read this until tomorrow am.

I was feeling a bit anxious, down, stressed earlier today....which led me to feel a bit scared about my future...to thoughts about whether H will file or not....to going down cheeseless tunnels myself....Then I stopped and remembered something I mentioned to you in the past....I start to feel this way when there's something ELSE bothering me (too much work in my case).

As you've mentioned, it might be that you haven't exercised enough, the caffeine or most likely...too much homework.

Look at your post...your positives say it all! You're doing great and your H is doing great!

Hope you have a good evening.
Minnie

[unsure70]

Hey Sage,

Sorry you seem to be in a bit of a funk right now...you will pull thru it, I can tell by reading your threads you are probably the most positive person (no offense to anybody--haven't read you all) on this BB. I read your thread often. You are very grounded and an expert DBer, even the best of us have off times

GO SOX!
Joey

[minnie1]

Good morning Sage,

Stopping by to see how you're doing and wish you a Happy Tuesday!

Minnie

[sage]

Minnie -- Thanks so much for the visits! I AM feeling better...yesterday I was just in high anxiety mode ALL DAY! But I had a good meeting at school, came home and relaxed with h, etc. Today I'm not feeling so physically "off"

i do sort of feel like I'm in "bottomless pit" mode...I know I've been here before but I'm just feeling kind of wavery and needy...

****************
Positives from yesterday:

1. Had a good class meeting -- I'm using work, school and home as a way to practice the listening skills I've recently been focused on...so far it's going pretty well...one thing that's REALLY helping me is to try to think "what story is this person trying to tell me" when someone else is talking...trying to really absorb what they are trying to get across....

2. spoke with h about school and he told me that he was not going to participate in a particular competition...I think it's great that he's managing his time so well and I told him that...I like how he asked for my thoughts

3. I asked h to read a paper I was turning in yesterday and he was positive and very specific about what he enjoyed about it!

4. got up and exercised this AM!

5. going out to dinner with a friend tonight

*******

LL

QT: extra time last night since school got out early

AOS: I had bought some chicken and roasted some vegetables over the weekend so h had dinner available last night

WOA: hmmm...thanked him for his input on my paper; also for doing the laundry

PT: good hanging out on the couch!

Sage

[sage]

Joey --

I can tell by reading your threads you are probably the most positive person (no offense to anybody--haven't read you all) on this BB.

what a sweetie you are!

Please post to me often

Seriously...I love that you called me "positive" -- my negative attitude was something that irked h to no end...I think I've done a good job HERE of remaining positive but I'm wondering if (lately) I've been lax about bringing a positive attitude home...

SO...just like with our WASes...by commenting on a behavior you LIKE you're encouraging me to do it MORE!

Thank you!

Sage