Happy Tuesday! Since Mondays are my least favorite day at work and I had yesterday OFF, I have HIGH HOPES for the week!
Slowly, yah, I think awareness = power for me in this regard...knowing that my subconscious may be feeling a bit under the weather helps to offset it..
Bridget!!! Thanks for the visit, Ms. Dynamo!
*********** The rest of the weekend was great...had a mellow Sunday evening...then yesterday we went hiking in the AM, out to breakfast, then back home for homework (h) and a teeny bit of housework (sage). I had school last night despite the holiday so that's where I spent my evening.
The plan for the week includes LOTS of baseball watching! GO RED SOX!!!
h was totally cute in many ways yesterday...I was crabbing about having to go to school and he said "does it help knowing that you're coming home to someone who loves you?" Well, yah, it does. THEN, I get to school, open my homemade PB&J sandwich and find a note from him! Gotta remember to keep tapping into h's abundant romantic side!
How am I doing with his LL?
QT -- very good. Hanging out on the couch, hiking, spending time together...
AOS -- hmmm...made some progress here yesterday, I think...did a couple of loads of laundry, straightened up one of the rooms, picked him up from school Sunday....doing OK but I think I need a BIG ONE (like a complete room overhaul or something) to feel on solid ground...
WOA -- Good. I need to remind myself that general compliments don't have the same + impact as specific comments focusing on things that he has done for us.
PT --
***************** I continue to realize and wrestle with the notion that some of my sadness/angst/blahness is squarely related to my work/school/career stuff -- not feeling solid or particularly interested at my job...feeling some malaise associated with the upcoming end of school (have I done enough? Have I used this degree process wisely? etc). I guess I just feel in my head -- and I know that putting some ACTION around making some changes would just help so much...
Anyway...onto the day and taking ACTION!
Sage
Relax. Appreciate. Be calm. Laugh. Enjoy. Be secure. Be loving. Be loved. Don't personalize. Don't ASSume. Accept. Be grateful.
You need to be free from a fear. Somehow, you are allowing a form of superstition to influence you. You have persuaded yourself that two situations - or events - are linked. In fact, they are totally unrelated. Because, though, you have such a strong desire to avoid a particular experience, you want to do all within your power to keep it at bay. 'Just in case' there is a connection, you figure you ought to religiously adhere to a certain ritual or policy. In fact though, this is preventing you from making progress. Don't be prejudiced, be flexible.
***********
For better or worse (better if you like hororscopes, worse if you don't!) I know exactly what this is referring to...at least it resonatates squarely in my mind with something...
here it is:
My fear that if I pursue school dreams/work dreams with full force, I will lose h.
Sigh. Here's the warped thinking that's in my brain...
I started my MBA a while ago...I chugged along slowly for a while and then decided to pick up the pace -- 2 classes a semester -- around that time (this was 4+ years ago), h and I had our first glimmer of real "problems" -- ended up in MC, etc.
2 years ago when h was involved with OW, my school nights were the nights they saw each other...school (and the pursuit of my goals) became linked in my mind with the bomb dropping...I still feel sadness being at school to this day...the push/pull of "I should feel free to pursue my goals" and "if I do this, will I lose him".
My warped "make the connection brain" doesn't stop there...
I was the middle child...both my older sister and my younger sister went away to college (but close to home still). I toyed with the idea of going out of state but my mother begged me to not only stay local but to live at home.
I did.
And I've regretted not giving myself "fully" to college ever since but felt that if I HAD I would have lost my mother's love.
I have to get it thru my skull that my succeeding doesn't have to come at a price..does it?
Sorry if this seems melodramatic but it was weighing on my mind yesterday and then the cainercast was like a 2x4.
Sage (who KNOWS her h supports her dreams but can't get that thru her thick noggin)
Relax. Appreciate. Be calm. Laugh. Enjoy. Be secure. Be loving. Be loved. Don't personalize. Don't ASSume. Accept. Be grateful.
Quote: Sage (who KNOWS her h supports her dreams but can't get that thru her thick noggin)
Sorry you're having a hard time with this right now. I trust, and know, that you will bounce right back.
Yes, your H supports you in your goals, education, life, etc...100%. He has shown you this of late. And, think about this.....it seems as if your H does invenst a big chunk of himself to his goals (while still making time for the two of you....awesome stuff)....does this mean he will lose you? No.
I can see the connection that you're making and why. I can also see what a great supportive H you have. Leave it all in the past Sage.
Hi Sage, Just a quick drop in. Will have to come back later and start reading through your site. Pretty impressive. Hope someday to get to the point that you are at. PKDII
Hello Sage.... wow, same horoscope for me and it gave me chills too.....
Been checking out your thread here and wanted to first congratulate you on your long journey and reconciling w/your H.
Seen you've been struggling w/AOS LL and wanted to point out some possibilities....although the ones you did the other day were large (in my opinion - housework, UGH) what about some smaller ones like picking up clothes from the cleaners, or stopping off to get something special for dinner before the game, or making him his favorite drink - coffee, mixed, etc..., or even getting the paper for him in the morning. I'm not an AOS person but from what I recall in the book, they don't have to be HUGE, just consistent and if you think of other things that your H does and you could do regularly for him, they would become more natural and consistent. I mean, you don't have to feed all of the LL but if that's at the top then I would focus a bit more. As for a HUGE one, is there something he has always wanted done (ie, clean the garage/attic/basement to make way for a "room of his own" or that he always wanted the car detailed)...whatever the case, maybe there's something you need to ponder and see if you can pull it off.
Good luck Sage, I've read your words on other posts and always been inspired. Hope you are able to let go of the past and move to the future so that you can enjoy what you've worked so hard for these past years (your M). Tootles........
Ditto what Love2Win said. I have found that small AOS seem to mean more to H than a huge one. I am just doing small things like making phone calls for him, picking things up from the store, keeping the house tidy. I find that the more I do them the more natural they are coming to me. I am also trying to think of H and I as dating. When we were dating I would have went out of my way to do something for him and not given it a second thought. That changed when we got married. I think to myself why? I still love him so why shouldn't I still treat him like that. Every time I think that I become inspired to do more.
Thanks so much for your thoughts on this...you are SO right in pointing out how supportive h has been and ALSO how he is able to pursue his goals w/o worrying (I think!) that he is losing me in the process. I need to "live" with these positive thoughts and ingrain (?) them into my brain.
Sage
Relax. Appreciate. Be calm. Laugh. Enjoy. Be secure. Be loving. Be loved. Don't personalize. Don't ASSume. Accept. Be grateful.
