Pam -- Thanks, friend.

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Here's my cainercast for the day:

You need to be free from a fear. Somehow, you are allowing a form of superstition to influence you. You have persuaded yourself that two situations - or events - are linked. In fact, they are totally unrelated. Because, though, you have such a strong desire to avoid a particular experience, you want to do all within your power to keep it at bay. 'Just in case' there is a connection, you figure you ought to religiously adhere to a certain ritual or policy. In fact though, this is preventing you from making progress. Don't be prejudiced, be flexible.


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For better or worse (better if you like hororscopes, worse if you don't!) I know exactly what this is referring to...at least it resonatates squarely in my mind with something...

here it is:

My fear that if I pursue school dreams/work dreams with full force, I will lose h.

Sigh. Here's the warped thinking that's in my brain...

I started my MBA a while ago...I chugged along slowly for a while and then decided to pick up the pace -- 2 classes a semester -- around that time (this was 4+ years ago), h and I had our first glimmer of real "problems" -- ended up in MC, etc.

2 years ago when h was involved with OW, my school nights were the nights they saw each other...school (and the pursuit of my goals) became linked in my mind with the bomb dropping...I still feel sadness being at school to this day...the push/pull of "I should feel free to pursue my goals" and "if I do this, will I lose him".

My warped "make the connection brain" doesn't stop there...

I was the middle child...both my older sister and my younger sister went away to college (but close to home still). I toyed with the idea of going out of state but my mother begged me to not only stay local but to live at home.

I did.

And I've regretted not giving myself "fully" to college ever since but felt that if I HAD I would have lost my mother's love.

I have to get it thru my skull that my succeeding doesn't have to come at a price..does it?

Sorry if this seems melodramatic but it was weighing on my mind yesterday and then the cainercast was like a 2x4.

Sage (who KNOWS her h supports her dreams but can't get that thru her thick noggin)

Relax. Appreciate. Be calm. Laugh. Enjoy. Be secure. Be loving. Be loved. Don't personalize. Don't ASSume. Accept. Be grateful.