Hey Jennifer, thanks for the visit and the kind words!
*********** So...have to admit that the Selfish Sage persona visited last night NOT to the point of crazymaking or even making a blip issue...but just feeling a bit bummed. I know, know, know that it was because I was full of expectation about how h "should" act or what he "should" do.
Selfish Sage came home from work and was thinking about how fun it would be to go to a movie before the Sox game was on or maybe even get a bit, well, ahem, you know H seemed semi-sleepy when I arrived -- my greeting from him was awesome as always...he was watching the yankees game, said he was looking forward to a quiet evening at home, etc. suggested that we pull out the sofa to form a bed and hang out and watch TV.
So...Selfish Sage who has this awesome, loving guy who wants to hang out with her and snuggle and watch the Sox was just kind of whiny inside...felt disappointed...was hoping that h would have been eager to DO something together (either going out or staying in )-- ugh, I annoy even myself.
Did OK acting "as if" I think and hung out on the couch beating myself up inside for feeling like I "wanted to be wanted" (and wasn't).
The worst part is that I KNOW h has been feeling tired, feeling stressed out, feeling like he might be fighting off a cold and I still "wanted to be wanted".
What was this need in me for some "grand gesture" that I was WANTED by him? Is it as simple as LLs? I've been focused on his and at least one of mine has been on the backburner? Or what? I have to admit that at one point I was thinking "he THINKS he wants to hang out at home and watch TV but at somepoint he'll look back on these years and think 'why wasn't I out partying with some hot babe having an awesome time and '" -- which is totally stupid because I KNOW h relishes peace, quiet, comfort and nights hanging out with me at home.
Feeling like a doofus!
How'd I do with his LLs?
WOA: Not sure...praised his school stuff...nothing house or errand related
AOS: Cleaned up the kitchen a bit, did litter boxes and vacuumed the room this AM
QT: Yah, definitely have THAT one covered
PI -- snuggling and coziness
But I feel like a jerk because i was internally stomping around acting like a big baby.
Sage
Relax. Appreciate. Be calm. Laugh. Enjoy. Be secure. Be loving. Be loved. Don't personalize. Don't ASSume. Accept. Be grateful.
NOT to the point of crazymaking or even making a blip issue...but just feeling a bit bummed. I know, know, know that it was because I was full of expectation about how h "should" act or what he "should" do.
H seemed semi-sleepy when I arrived -- my greeting from him was awesome as always...he was watching the yankees game, said he was looking forward to a quiet evening at home, etc. suggested that we pull out the sofa to form a bed and hang out and watch TV.
