Quote: The last few days have been an eye opener for me (couldn't someone just slip me a note or send me an email with these messages instead of bonking me over the head with them?)...informing me that I am NOT the only one in my M who yearns to heal, who is afraid of loss, who wonders if the other truly loves or chooses "me", who needs to hear "you are doing a good job", who regrets the mistakes and wonders how to forgive "myself", who pushes away in order to reach out sometimes, who feels spent, who seeks pain relief, who is confused, who wants but fears the wanting.
Wow sage, I really like how you put this. Helps very much to reframe my view of what is happening with my W.
I think that it is especially true in the "who wonders if the other truly loves or chooses "me"" - I know my W has felt for quite a while that I did not love her, and it is almost impossible for her to accept now. She most likely belives that I am just hanging on out of fear, and will quickly return to where I was before if we were reunited. Why risk that when she has OM who obviously wants to be with her every moment of the day?
So to combat this, we all have to remember - real changes, for self first, and consistency. Make our changes part of who we are, not things we are doing.
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