****************** Some thoughts from our fight...use these to help refine goals/areas to focus...
1. h believes that I will never trust him again ("I KNOW you. You will NEVER trust me again")
2. h believes that I have forgiven him but that I haven't forgotten and that the A is in the forefront of my mind
3. h says that he doesn't think he will ever forgive himself
4. h says that my desire to talk about the A is counter to his desire NOT to talk about it. He said that I ASSume that I will gain more HEALING than he will "lose" in the discussion.
5. h wanted to hear the reasons why I still wanted to be M to him...this actually seemed like a very big part of the conversation
6. h said he thinks I've defaulted to the "devil" I "know" (doesn't feel CHOSEN)
7. h said that he could imagine us ever apart -- that I am part of his DNA
8. H asked to hear praise for how hard he's been working -- to hear appreciation for the good stuff that he's been doing for our M (WOA?? My h? )
9. h was definitely struggling with physical pain and his actions were definitely clouded by that
10. h doesn't want to "pay" for this for the rest of his life
11. Part of "trust" to h means not only that I believe in his fidelity but also that I "trust" him as he is ("unconditional love")
12. h said that his fear was that he'd go merrily along only to hit "landmines" because of something he said or did that triggered the A in my mind. It seems like the unpredictability is a BIG factor for him (would it help to be more clear with him about what my triggers are?). He used the word "LANDMINE" quite a bit
More as I think of 'em
Sage
Relax. Appreciate. Be calm. Laugh. Enjoy. Be secure. Be loving. Be loved. Don't personalize. Don't ASSume. Accept. Be grateful.
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