The Mind of Ms. H-Dog

[MJontheMend]

I has everything to do with the family next door if getting cookies is the only issue. It has NOTHING to do with the family next door if having cookies with his mother is the issue.

I agree, but if Harry is fully "differentiated" and beyond being emotionally-fused over the cookie issue with his mother, shouldn't he be able to acknowledge and accept his HD for cookies as something essential to his nature. If it has nothing to do with the neighbors, why is the example about the bar given in PM? The clear analogy to this would be Harry telling his mother "Fine. If you won't bake me any cookies, I'll go next door and see if I might get some there.". Of course, this analogy breaks down for all the Freudian reasons you mentioned and also because most LD spouses would be more upset about their spouses going to a bar looking for a potential sexual partner than a mother would be about a kid scrounging for cookies next door.

IMO the bar example in PM is maybe the piece of the puzzle that is missing in your sich (I will readily admit that there are puzzle pieces missing in my sich too). You want your H to acknowledge your need for EC in order to have desire for sex, but are you willing to acknowledge that sex is an important component of EC, not just for your H but for you too. If it weren't, why would you care if your H approached a stranger at a bar and said "Why don't we go upstairs for a quickie?" as long as he didn't tell the stranger "I want to feel close to you.".