I don't know how to tell you how to get out of that pickle. On one hand, yes she deserves some whoppin credit for making the move to be with you and on the other, it still doesn't exempt her from ML to you and being a wife in the full sense of the word.
I think some brutal honesty is just what the doctor ordered--from you to her and from her to you. You are dancing around each other sending falsely conciliatory messages when what you really want to do is blast the crap outta each other.
My vote is to blast away and then when everything is finally on the table, you will know if she ever intends to work on becoming sexual and she will know if you ever intend on appreciating her sacrifices in a way that speaks to her (ie, moving to a different place or whatever it is she wants).
AOL! (Translates to "I agree").
At some point honesty, painful as it might be, has got to come to the forefront. No euphemisms. No high-flyin', deep-soundin' phrases. No more quietly trying to do some list of things in the hopes that the light will dawn in your partner.
Expect anger. But at some point, you will know where both of you stand.
