How on earth does he answer this? My wife has said this to me probably a dozen times, and there seems to be something in the LD personality that goes basically like this:
"Our current situation is bad, But you say you want it to get better. You've told me what YOU need for it to get better, And you've even asked me what I need from YOU. But any improvement I make to give you more of what you need, Because I know how far you'd ULTIMATELY like this to go, I feel like it won't be good enough. And therefore I can never truly make you happy, no matter how much I improve the in the desire/LM dept."
Somewhere in the heart of each of us, we want to be loved & accepted just as we are. Even when we're being really big sh*ts, there's a certain amount of fear & hurt (and the subsequent desire to build protective walls) involved when we're told that something about us needs to change.
What we want from each other can often be so nebulous to our spouse. Even when we get specific: "I need more sex" often DOES become "I need you to want me." "I need you to desire me and make love to me" can move on to "I would really like us to do XXX tonight when we make love, now that we're making love and you want me."
So, are the suspicions really so groundless?
Somewhere trust & tenderness toward each other has been lost, damaged, never established or destroyed.
