deb: I mostly lurk, but I just have to add that until your H realizes that you, not him, are in control of your life, he will continue to hold you hostage. It wasn't until I started telling my H things like "your threats don't work with me anymore", for example, did he start to "come around". Right now, he thinks he hold all of the cards, and until you show him otherwise - he will use it to his advantage. the old addage of "DROP THE ROPE" cannot be stressed enough. It took me a full year to do so, but I believe it was the tool that truly saved my marriage.
