My sitch is different than yours (H had a one night stand with a woman he knew casually who lives in a different state. It happened when we were separated and happened out of anger - H thought I was cheating with a co-worker which I wasn't) but I have had the problem of the OW calling H periodically to see if we are still together and wanting to be his "friend" (this is how I found out about the ONS 6 months after we got back together. Her phone number was in H's cell). I didn't tell H he absolutely could not talk to her. I said I understand that you see her as an innocent party in all of this and that you don't want to hurt her feelings but how would you feel if our roles were reversed and I did what you did and the guy was still calling me after we got back together. Would you be comfortable with this? Would you trust me and believe that nothing was going on? How would you feel if all I did was try to get off the phone with him and didn't tell him point blank to stop calling me? It is obvious she is not taking the hint that you are no longer interested and every time you are polite you encourage her. H's response was you are right. If she ever calls again I will tell her to stop and I will not be polite about it. She hasn't called since June so I think she has finally got the hint (and trust me I check his cell phone. Everyone can beat me with a 2 x4 but it makes me feel more secure every time I find nothing). I think sharing with H how much it hurt me that he was being nice to her really helped. He was trying to be the nice guy not realizing that it was hurting me and my feelings need to come before OW's.
