The proverbial s--t hit the poverbial fan last night. Now I know why I've been so anxious, and why it's felt like H pulled back and why I'm not getting the little romantic touches anymore.
Yep, he's back with OW....I've had this nagging suspicion, and so far, darn it, those have never been wrong. There've been a lot of little red flags that I tried to put out of my mind.....like last months phone bill being 2x what it usually is, like his last "gas tank fill up" being double the amount it ususally is (this was last weekend). Like the change in tone of his emails from mushy to business like. Going to do paper work on the weekends again. Couple of weeks ago he said he didnt know if he wanted to go on our upcoming trip. no handholding. Ow's smart a$$ smirk when I see her at religious ed.....Oh, yeah, there were a lot of reasons why my anxieties wouldnt let up.
Yesterday evening when I got home the "red alert" sign was flashing in my brain, so I went downstairs where he always calls her and there were not one but 2 phone cards. They havent been there I don't think any longer than this weekend.
He didnt get home from work until 8:30 last night; I'd had it and I confronted him, he lied that they'd been there for a long time....I didnt' accept that, and he finally admitted that yes, he's calling her "but only sometimes" (WTF???) and he insisted that he did go to the office and not to see her. I don't believe that for a minute either.
Neither of us slept all night, I'm thinking I may go home sick today. He actually was giving me his same old crap about how I havent really changed, it's all a fake, it was my fault he was so miserable, blah blah blah blah....How she's just such a good friend and when you've been so close to someone you can't just shut it off like that, but she's moving on with her life.....yeah, right. He kept getting angry that I didnt believe he wasnt seeing her...sorry, I've heard that song so many times before I know when it's off key.
I got up at 5:30 just after he did and took the dog for a walk....he was in the basement on the phone when I left the house.
I told him he knew better than I, it's his profession after all, that you can't have a relationship with 3 people in it, that I couldnt live like this the rest of my life, that I've told him that before....I got his old song and dance about why do I think he's still there if he doesnt want this to work out......I said because of S and he didn't answer. I told him several times I couldnt live like this the rest of my life, he said well I guess you've made your choice then and launched into a tirade about how my "unconditional love" was just a facade....I asked him if he still takes his ring off when he's around her, he said "no"....said I probably can tell what's going on by the way he changes, that after all these years I know him well.... I told him that I hadnt made the choice but that I believed he had, since I've told him that I cant go on like this and it didnt make any difference...he said that he hadnt said it didnt make any difference. Said that he hadnt considered her still in the relationship since they are "just friends" .....yeah right....and of course I made a strong point of saying they cant' be friends, and he got angry that I read a manual and now I think I know everything.
I did make the mistake of telling him that I consulted an attorney months ago, that really set him off about how I was just a fake....
He left the house while I was waiting with S for the school bus, nonchalantly said "see ya" as though nothing had happend....so he'd have gotten to work nice and early....I had to go back to the bed room to get some stuff, and I noticed he did evidently wear his wedding ring.
I'm just devasted. no other words describe it. wow, and the day after the bomb-day anniversary, too! I just don't know how much longer I can keep having my heart dashed on the rocks like this, over and over. I don't know what's wrong with me that I keep going back for more. I don't have a clue what to do now. I want so much to email him and tell him I love him but am devastated, but that would be a very stupid thing to do. I sure miss having some kisses and snuggles.
